By CON STAMOCOSTAS: The Asian Cup quarter-final between the Socceroos and China at the Caddy Shack grounds in Brisbane can be described as BTS (Before Timmy scored) and ATS (After Timmy scored)
Before Timmy scored
Before Super Timmy the Super Freak scored his first goal I couldn’t shut up. My girlfriend was putting up with my ventsration (Combining the words vent and frustration Copyright Stama 2015) as each misplaced pass and every sloppy defensive error saw Team Dragon make inroads in between the lines of the Socceroos backline.
With the game being beamed across the country on ABC and not on SBS it gave a chance for more of the population to be involved. Bemused regular Auntie viewers used to watching Spick and Specks and middle aged men solving murders in the English country side were instead trying to solve the biggest mystery of the evening: when is Super Timmy the Super Freak going to score?
For 49 minutes the nation suffered from a collective squeaky bum and then…… it happened.
After Timmy scored
The Socceroos consigned the Caddy Shack Stadium to the dustbin of history by giving Super Timmy the Super Freak the perfect opportunity to use his world class aerial strength.
When the ball looped in the air at the perfect overhead kick position to my ex-school mate (Cahill was three years below me at Kingsgrove North High School), my body arched up like an animal in the wild whose low position in the food chain had alerted it to danger.
But I wasn’t sensing danger I was sensing magic.
When Timmy tried his overhead kick the space-time continuum slowed. It was like the scene in The Matrix when Keanu Reeves dodges bullets by freeing his mind. When the ball went in time sped up again and I just sat on the coach with my jaw on the floor unable to speak.
Usually I jump like a madman when the Socceroos score. I do a double fist pump and scream yeah! I do one down low and one up high.
Sometimes I do a high five but this time mouth was open in the manner of Taylor Swift winning a music award.
For five minutes my mouth was gaping at the incredulous attempt by Timmy. Who does that? How many times does an attempt like that make you look ridiculous?
Mark Bosnich on Fox Sports, God bless him, tried to pour sand on the fire by saying that it was a scuffed shin job. I couldn’t see it. Sure sporting man love makes you see what you want to see but to me it was a perfect connection.
Of course there’s the trademark header for the second goal. Again Timmy slowed down the space time continuum and hovered in the air like he had just reached enlightenment.
Super Timmy the Super Freak looked like Michael Keaton at the beginning of the movie Birdman, just hovering in space before he yet again answered the question of who is the best header of the ball in football?
Super Timmy the Super Freak is!
As Tim Cahill was walking off to a standing ovation when he was substituted a fans banner saying “Keep calm and cross it to Cahill” was spotted by the TV cameras. A great choice of shot Fox Sports producer Murray Shaw!
The Super Timmy Twitter gushing
When Timmy’s efforts had the Socceroos up two-nil I took the luxury of having a look at Twitter to see what the mob was saying. I haven’t seen gushing like that since I was at the Zambezi River at the border of Zambia looking at the sublime Victoria Falls.(I haven’t actually been to Victoria Falls but for the sake of this paragraph let’s just say I have).
These are two of my favourite tweets from the avalanche of Tim Cahill love that was hurtling through Twitter.
@TonyTannousTRBA: Has Tony phoned & thanked Tom Cahill yet? #Socceroos #AC2015
I love this tweet! Remember when Tony Abbot called Tim Cahill, Tom Cahill before the Socceroos left for the World Cup in Brazil? Perhaps if the Prime Minister of Australia knew the name of the greatest Australian sporting icon since Bradman he wouldn’t be in so much political trouble as he is now!
@byTonyWilson: He's better than Shearer, Owen ... He's basically Bradman, #AsianCup2015 #CHNvAUS
Just to add a signpost to this tweet by Tony Wilson if Tim Cahill was a cricketer surely he would have been Australian of the Year twice by now.
In Ange we should always trust
This is becoming a theme for me, but yet again I am forced to EAT MY WORDS. On Thursday’s 442 podcast I said that Ange picked his weakest side for the most important game against South Korea and that decision cost the Socceroos badly.
I was critical of Ange because the loss to South Korea meant the Socceroos had to tread a new path to the final in Sydney. They had to go via Brisbane-Newcastle instead of Melbourne and the enticing Australian Day semi-final clash in Sin City.
In relation to Ange’s post game criticism of his critics, they are a necessary evil. Like green vegetables they are needed, they give the Socceroos energy.
But Ange knows what he is doing. He knows where and when he should use his players. The Socceroos want to attack, he wants the team to play good football and entertain the fans. He should be commended for his plan.
A new fairy tale emerges
The semi-final in Newcastle against Japan will be awesome. The town will be buzzing. But I wanted different fairy tale damn it! I wanted a semi-final win on Australia Day in Sydney (with me attending). Followed by a final victory over Japan (with me attending).
But perhaps a new fairy tale emerges now that the Socceroos have an opportunity for some double revenge. First, a chance to avenge the two consecutive Asian Cup losses to the Samurai Blue. Next, exorcising the demon of the 1997 Iran game if they make the final.
It’s probably too soon to say how this pulsating Asian Cup will finish. But it would be nice for Australia if the ‘Iran game’ became synonymous, not for the loss that happened nearly two decades ago, but for lifting the cup victory against Team Melli on January 31, 2015.
Con Stamocostas is an Australian football writer. Check out Episode Four of his latest A- League Football Snobcast with co-host Rob Toddler.