12 of football's weirdest kit launches: floral designs, Star Wars and Spain's cats
Cologne, 2013 (I think we’re Cologne now)
Cologne have reason to look to the seventies with rose-tinted specs: they haven’t won the Bundesliga since 1978. So little wonder their 2013/14 launch got nostalgic, with the ad featuring three men clad like the 118-118 berks in mullet wigs and moustaches, disco dancing and driving a furry dice-filled Ford Mustang. The kit’s as groovy as a Shaft bassline, too.
Tindastoll, 2013 (The gunge tank)
We never need an excuse to watch naked Nordics launch paint over each other, but Icelandic minnows Tindastoll’s attempt to ape Chelsea’s colour-splattering 2013/14 kit launch with their own low-budget version is distressing: the results resemble a mash-up of a Noel’s House Party “gunging” and a huge pigeon loosening its bowels onto the players’ ungrateful faces. Hellish.
Porto, 2011 (Call George Lucas)
Atop a city roof, Porto players are danced onstage by a man wrestling with a 40ft cloth as if he’s experiencing a severe duvet-change malfunction. The players wear habits that make them resemble Star Wars’ Emperor Palpatine, which they whip off like strippers at the world’s worst hen party, revealing the Dragons' 2011 kit, rather than posing pouches. Hulk’s performance was still more convincing than Ewan McGregor’s, mind.
Bayern Munich, 2008 (Overblown balls)
On paper, Bayern Munich’s 2008 launch might have seemed a good idea: lithe dancers in full strip, pulling fierce faces and flicking their hair like Edinson Cavani. In reality, after two minutes of prancing to Sturm und Drang end-of-a-crap-film opera and cradling branded footballs as if they were the very globe itself, the suits in the audience seem deeply confused.