The ‘None Right Last Round’ Predictions - Round 26

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Barcelona (1st) vs Athletic (11th)

Brain-dead Spanish football busy bodies have now got a difficult dilemma on their dilettante hands. And that’s never a good thing, considering their current inability to handle kick-off times, competent referees, TV deals and child-proof bottles.

The Athletic vs Barça Copa del Rey final, set to be played on the May 13, has thrown up some incredibly inconvenient issues.

Plan A - arranged before the finalists were known -  had the tie taking place in Valencia’s Mestalla stadium.

But as Athletic plan to bring the entire population of Bilbao to the game, while Barça can count on their solid 27-strong away support, the Basque club has asked for the match to be moved to the Bernabeu which can seat a good 85,000 as opposed to Mestalla’s less than formidable 49,000.

The other troubling in-tray bulging issue for FA bigwigs - and one which will probably take up most time in pre-match planning - is how to drown out the inevitable boos and jeers from both sets of supporters when the Spanish national anthem is played and the King is wheeled out to meet the players.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid (2nd) vs Atlético (5th)

To steal outrageously from The Simpsons’ Kent Brockman, when tentacled, tripod-treading titans from outer space enslave the human race, Marca’s Roberto Gómez will be the first to welcome our alien overlords.

To get the crazy columnist’s grovelling respect, there are just four rigid requirements - being rich, greasy-haired, a president and possessing the ability to give Gómez endless free lunches.

The latest target for Roberto’s romancing is Madrid’s latest Big Man, Vicente Boluda, who is described in Friday’s column as “a serious, honourable and respectable man” who “deserves more respect.”

He was also Ramon Calderón’s VP and therefore just as culpable for all of his former boss’ balls-ups, some might counter.  

The reason Gómez has gone to his latest love-target’s defence is criticism over Boluda’s decision not to hold the club’s presidential elections until the July 5 due to a whole manner of feeble excuses such as audits, statutes, weather and giving Florentino Pérez more time to hatch dastardly plans.  

But one man who is always happy to SpeakTruth is Guti, who continues to show his love for Madrid’s title rivals by confirming that “I always want Barcelona to lose. But I suppose if they keep going in the Champions League, they’ll be more tired in La Liga.”

A final word must go to Marca in response to Thursday’s headline that Madrid are “Champions of 2009” and the best team in Europe at the moment.


LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal (4th) vs Espanyol (19th)

There’s a heart-warming story from the city of Barcelona today - and it’s not the tale of Samuel Eto'o’s sarcy ovation from team-mates when arriving half an hour late to Thursday’s training.

Instead, it’s the tear-jerking tale that the Espanyol players are to subsidise away fans’ expenses in their trip to see them eke out a tedious draw against Villarreal on Saturday night.

And speaking of those potty about the Pericos, those with Sky can see Paul from Barcelona in living, breathing form discussing his Espanyol love on RMTV’s ‘Real Madrid Life’ on channel 446 from 11.05pm UK time on Friday, with the show being repeated over the week.

La Liga Loca’s advice, having seen some of the footage, is be very, very nice to him from now on. You can also catch a bit of La Liga Loca on club gabfest ‘Extra Time’ at 10.05pm

LLL Prediction - Draw


Recreativo (13th) vs Valladolid (9th)

La Liga Loca would like to give the referee for this enticing encounter a warm hand on his entrance, as Clos Gómez was one of the chosen ones to pass the midweek fitness test given to all the league’s referees.

The admirable achievement stands in contrast to six wheezing wimps who failed and who have been dropped from the arbitrating hot list for a month.

While all passed a number of trials with flying colours such as ‘Hitler hair’, ‘refusing to communicate with players’ and ‘smug card-waving’ they failed on some of the more physical tests such as running 2000 metres in less than seven and a half minutes.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Mallorca (16th) vs Betis (15th)

La Liga Loca was shocked to read that, Betis majority shareholder, Darth de Lopera was admitted to hospital on Thursday with breathing troubles - the blog’s surprise being that the undead had functioning lungs.

Fortunately The Dark Master is set to be released from his infirm state on Friday with doctors perhaps suggesting that the attack was brought on by either his money belt being too tight or the giddy excitement of hearing news of the release of a new Liberace DVD box-set.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Osasuna (18th) vs Sporting (17th)

A feisty La Liga Loca is telling all you warm beer drinking, DNA databasing, Johnny Englander types to stick your Premier League where the sun don’t shine.

Yes, it may be all fancy and well organised with the best teams in the world, but is it exciting? Marca say no and that’s because the Spanish Primera has produced just 12 goalless draws from 250 games played this season, and just one in 2009.

And can you guess which two teams are responsible for eight of these letting-the-side-down bore-fests? Osasuna is one...

LLL Prediction - Home win

Deportivo (8th) vs Racing (12th)

... and Deportivo is the other, a team who are about to produce one more on Sunday afternoon.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Numancia (20th) vs Valencia (6th)

With Valencia falling to pieces on the pitch and standing in a giant trifle of trouble off it, the club has decided this week that there was only one course of action that could be taken to stop the rot - have two presidents at the same time.

In the year’s greatest ‘this will end in tears’ story, former Director General Javier Gómez has been made ‘delegate council’ by the side’s board and handed all the powers of the presidency.

But at the same time, President No.1 Vicente Soriano, will remain in the official capacity of the post - and with all the powers says the Mestalla man.

“I’m the president of Valencia and I’m going to carry out my duties,” Spartacus-ed Soriano.

One of those duties didn’t include a press conference on Thursday when, President No.2, Gómez, admitted that Valencia were in all sorts of economic trouble and that “we have to control our costs, increase our income and sell assets” while tagging the entire squad with a Poundland price gun.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Sevilla (3rd) vs Almería (10th)

Vicente Boluda’s unfortunate prediction that Liverpool were going to get thrashed by Madrid has been overtaken in its idiocy by José Maria del Nido’s contention ahead of the Athletic cup tie that “the lions will be eaten by Sevilla from mane to tail.”

In losing rather pathetically in San Mamés, Manolo Jiménez broke the golden rule of Spanish football - never, ever, ever make your president look like a bit of a dork.

“Why don’t you shut up? Be humble” was one of the signs from supporters that greeted Del Nido on his return from the club’s Basqueland debacle.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (14th) vs Málaga (7th)

Just seven points from 30 means that a defeat on Sunday night for Getafe would leave the Victor Muñoz-liking La Liga Loca turning its nose up at the big-chinned chump in charge of Getafe.

And that would leave the Getafe boss without a single supporter and an inevitable Sunday night sacking. All week, stories of discontent from the dressing room have been leaking out of the Coliseum, with Juan Albín delivering the often fateful words “it’s our fault, not the manager’s.”

Javier Casquero also talked about the side’s poor plight and admitted that playing in the second division “would be a bit crap for everyone.”

But he also claimed it was down to the under-performing players to dig their way out of trouble. “It doesn’t matter who is on the bench. It could be anyone, even Fabio Capello. It’s the players who have to carry us forward.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

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