Saturday
Barcelona (1st) vs Athletic (11th)
Brain-dead Spanish football busy bodies have now got a difficult dilemma on their dilettante hands. And thatâÂÂs never a good thing, considering their current inability to handle kick-off times, competent referees, TV deals and child-proof bottles.
The Athletic vs Barça Copa del Rey final, set to be played on the May 13, has thrown up some incredibly inconvenient issues.
Plan A - arranged before the finalists were known - had the tie taking place in ValenciaâÂÂs Mestalla stadium.
But as Athletic plan to bring the entire population of Bilbao to the game, while Barça can count on their solid 27-strong away support, the Basque club has asked for the match to be moved to the Bernabeu which can seat a good 85,000 as opposed to MestallaâÂÂs less than formidable 49,000.
The other troubling in-tray bulging issue for FA bigwigs - and one which will probably take up most time in pre-match planning - is how to drown out the inevitable boos and jeers from both sets of supporters when the Spanish national anthem is played and the King is wheeled out to meet the players.
LLL Prediction - Home win
Real Madrid (2nd) vs Atlético (5th)
To steal outrageously from The Simpsonsâ Kent Brockman, when tentacled, tripod-treading titans from outer space enslave the human race, MarcaâÂÂs Roberto Gómez will be the first to welcome our alien overlords.
To get the crazy columnistâÂÂs grovelling respect, there are just four rigid requirements - being rich, greasy-haired, a president and possessing the ability to give Gómez endless free lunches.
The latest target for RobertoâÂÂs romancing is MadridâÂÂs latest Big Man, Vicente Boluda, who is described in FridayâÂÂs column as âÂÂa serious, honourable and respectable manâ who âÂÂdeserves more respect.âÂÂ
He was also Ramon CalderónâÂÂs VP and therefore just as culpable for all of his former bossâ balls-ups, some might counter.
The reason Gómez has gone to his latest love-targetâÂÂs defence is criticism over BoludaâÂÂs decision not to hold the clubâÂÂs presidential elections until the July 5 due to a whole manner of feeble excuses such as audits, statutes, weather and giving Florentino Pérez more time to hatch dastardly plans.
But one man who is always happy to SpeakTruth is Guti, who continues to show his love for MadridâÂÂs title rivals by confirming that âÂÂI always want Barcelona to lose. But I suppose if they keep going in the Champions League, theyâÂÂll be more tired in La Liga.âÂÂ
A final word must go to Marca in response to ThursdayâÂÂs headline that Madrid are âÂÂChampions of 2009â and the best team in Europe at the moment.
THEY LOST AT HOME TO LIVERPOOL WHO ARE CRAP, YOU HALF-WITS.
LLL Prediction - Home win
Villarreal (4th) vs Espanyol (19th)
ThereâÂÂs a heart-warming story from the city of Barcelona today - and itâÂÂs not the tale of Samuel Eto'oâÂÂs sarcy ovation from team-mates when arriving half an hour late to ThursdayâÂÂs training.
Instead, itâÂÂs the tear-jerking tale that the Espanyol players are to subsidise away fansâ expenses in their trip to see them eke out a tedious draw against Villarreal on Saturday night.
And speaking of those potty about the Pericos, those with Sky can see Paul from Barcelona in living, breathing form discussing his Espanyol love on RMTVâÂÂs âÂÂReal Madrid Lifeâ on channel 446 from 11.05pm UK time on Friday, with the show being repeated over the week.
La Liga LocaâÂÂs advice, having seen some of the footage, is be very, very nice to him from now on. You can also catch a bit of La Liga Loca on club gabfest âÂÂExtra Timeâ at 10.05pm
LLL Prediction - Draw
Sunday
Recreativo (13th) vs Valladolid (9th)
La Liga Loca would like to give the referee for this enticing encounter a warm hand on his entrance, as Clos Gómez was one of the chosen ones to pass the midweek fitness test given to all the leagueâÂÂs referees.
The admirable achievement stands in contrast to six wheezing wimps who failed and who have been dropped from the arbitrating hot list for a month.
While all passed a number of trials with flying colours such as âÂÂHitler hairâÂÂ, âÂÂrefusing to communicate with playersâ and âÂÂsmug card-wavingâ they failed on some of the more physical tests such as running 2000 metres in less than seven and a half minutes.
LLL Prediction - Away win
Mallorca (16th) vs Betis (15th)
La Liga Loca was shocked to read that, Betis majority shareholder, Darth de Lopera was admitted to hospital on Thursday with breathing troubles - the blogâÂÂs surprise being that the undead had functioning lungs.
Fortunately The Dark Master is set to be released from his infirm state on Friday with doctors perhaps suggesting that the attack was brought on by either his money belt being too tight or the giddy excitement of hearing news of the release of a new Liberace DVD box-set.
LLL Prediction - Draw
Osasuna (18th) vs Sporting (17th)
A feisty La Liga Loca is telling all you warm beer drinking, DNA databasing, Johnny Englander types to stick your Premier League where the sun donâÂÂt shine.
Yes, it may be all fancy and well organised with the best teams in the world, but is it exciting? Marca say no and thatâÂÂs because the Spanish Primera has produced just 12 goalless draws from 250 games played this season, and just one in 2009.
And can you guess which two teams are responsible for eight of these letting-the-side-down bore-fests? Osasuna is one...
LLL Prediction - Home win
Deportivo (8th) vs Racing (12th)
... and Deportivo is the other, a team who are about to produce one more on Sunday afternoon.
LLL Prediction - Draw
Numancia (20th) vs Valencia (6th)
With Valencia falling to pieces on the pitch and standing in a giant trifle of trouble off it, the club has decided this week that there was only one course of action that could be taken to stop the rot - have two presidents at the same time.
In the yearâÂÂs greatest âÂÂthis will end in tearsâ story, former Director General Javier Gómez has been made âÂÂdelegate councilâ by the sideâÂÂs board and handed all the powers of the presidency.
But at the same time, President No.1 Vicente Soriano, will remain in the official capacity of the post - and with all the powers says the Mestalla man.
âÂÂIâÂÂm the president of Valencia and IâÂÂm going to carry out my duties,â Spartacus-ed Soriano.
One of those duties didnâÂÂt include a press conference on Thursday when, President No.2, Gómez, admitted that Valencia were in all sorts of economic trouble and that âÂÂwe have to control our costs, increase our income and sell assetsâ while tagging the entire squad with a Poundland price gun.
LLL Prediction - Away win
Sevilla (3rd) vs AlmerÃÂa (10th)
Vicente BoludaâÂÂs unfortunate prediction that Liverpool were going to get thrashed by Madrid has been overtaken in its idiocy by José Maria del NidoâÂÂs contention ahead of the Athletic cup tie that âÂÂthe lions will be eaten by Sevilla from mane to tail.âÂÂ
In losing rather pathetically in San Mamés, Manolo Jiménez broke the golden rule of Spanish football - never, ever, ever make your president look like a bit of a dork.
âÂÂWhy donâÂÂt you shut up? Be humbleâ was one of the signs from supporters that greeted Del Nido on his return from the clubâÂÂs Basqueland debacle.
LLL Prediction - Home win
Getafe (14th) vs Málaga (7th)
Just seven points from 30 means that a defeat on Sunday night for Getafe would leave the Victor Muñoz-liking La Liga Loca turning its nose up at the big-chinned chump in charge of Getafe.
And that would leave the Getafe boss without a single supporter and an inevitable Sunday night sacking. All week, stories of discontent from the dressing room have been leaking out of the Coliseum, with Juan AlbÃÂn delivering the often fateful words âÂÂitâÂÂs our fault, not the managerâÂÂs.âÂÂ
Javier Casquero also talked about the sideâÂÂs poor plight and admitted that playing in the second division âÂÂwould be a bit crap for everyone.âÂÂ
But he also claimed it was down to the under-performing players to dig their way out of trouble. âÂÂIt doesnâÂÂt matter who is on the bench. It could be anyone, even Fabio Capello. ItâÂÂs the players who have to carry us forward.âÂÂ
LLL Prediction - Home win
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