The new campaign for Racing Santander is set to be a veritable thriller - STAY AWAKE! - with literally anything possible! - STOP MOVING ON TO THE NEXT SECTION!
The first statement is not technically true. ItÃ¢ÂÂs set to be a horrific struggle for survival against constant Cylon attacks.
RacingÃ¢ÂÂs budget has been cut for the second year in the row and the club has lost the solidity of Ezequiel Garay and IvÃÂ¡n Marcano in defence and the goals of Jonathan Pereira and Nikola Zigic up front.
And this leaves the Santander side with the distinctly unexciting Nasief Morris and Marc TorrejÃÂ³n from Recreativo and Espanyol respectively to help hold the fort.
Oh yes. Luis GarcÃÂa has joined from AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid too, just when Racing fans were feeling things couldnÃ¢ÂÂt be any worse.
ItÃ¢ÂÂs hard to see where the goals are going to come from this season, and new manager Juan Carlos MandÃÂa - who has joined from second division Hercules - is a fine choice for the first coach of the campaign to be canned.
LLL Prediction - There may be enough porridge in the tank to stay up, but as the Spanish like to say, Racing are going to suffer.
ItÃ¢ÂÂs a win-win situation for all those neutral types out in La Liga Loca land.
If it all goes Pete Tong for Real Madrid in the new season then it will be very, very funny indeed, especially in light of the nauseous pomposity of their Santiago Bernabeu Trophy game which saw a giant banner in the stands reading Ã¢ÂÂWelcome back Florentino! You kept your promise!Ã¢ÂÂ
The blog imagines the Madrid president was up all night painting it.
But if PellegriniÃ¢ÂÂs plan comes together then there should be some tasty football on offer and a decent title race with Getafe and Barcelona to enjoy.
Pretty much everyone in Spain has had their say on what will happen once the season starts.
Even the mad bat lady who sits on La Liga LocaÃ¢ÂÂs corner at 11pm every night for two hours of screeching and insulting passers by.
Ã¢ÂÂWRAAAHH!!!!! EEEEEIIIHHHH!!!!! GGGAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Well, it all depends on whether Real Madrid can find a settled side quickly enough and have a good start to the season. Plus, the future of Arjen Robben in the squad is a key issue too.
GRAAHH!!!!!!! SCUM!!!!!!WHOOOOOORES!!!!Ã¢ÂÂ was the bat ladyÃ¢ÂÂs thoughts when probed and offered another sniff of glue.
La Liga Loca shares her views for the most part.
LLL Prediction - Title contenders.
Sevilla president, JosÃÂ© Maria del Nido may be distracted over the next 12 months or so with a corruption trial and the prospect of 12 years in the slammer having his baldy head getting a daily polish by Big Al, but it should be another steady, sturdy, but downright dull season for his club.
Although it was a third-placed finish last time round and a return to the Champions League, the campaign was not entertaining good enough to please either La Liga Loca or most of the Sevilla support at the SÃÂ¡nchez PizjuÃÂ¡n, who were bored to death by coach Manolo JimÃÂ©nez and his defeatist defensive stylings.
This year, SevillaÃ¢ÂÂs central midfield sees the addition of Didier Zokora from Spurs, while the club pulled off a bit of a coup by saving MadridÃ¢ÂÂs Alvaro Negredo from the clutches of Hull City to give Luis Fabiano and Freddie KanoutÃÂ© a bit of competition up front.
LLL Prediction - Part of the AtlÃÂ©tico, Villarreal, Valencia scram for the Champions League places.
With five games to go at the end of the last campaign, Sporting were in all sorts of trouble after a 3-1 defeat to AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid.
But thatÃ¢ÂÂs when La Liga Loca rubbed shoulders with a journo from the area, who nudge-nudged that Sporting would win their last three matches and be fine and dandy at the end of the day.
Low and behold, thatÃ¢ÂÂs exactly what happened with victories against MÃÂ¡laga, Valladolid and Recreativo. 2-1, 2-1, 2-1. Fancy that.
A big dose of Ã¢ÂÂLady LuckÃ¢ÂÂ will be required once again if Sporting are to prevail in la Liga.
An already flimsy squad has had few upgrades with midfielder Miguel de la CuevasÃ¢ÂÂ arrival from AtlÃÂ©tico being the nearest that Sporting can call a star signing.
With the best home and away fans in la Liga, the blog has crossed everything it possibly can in the hope that Sporting can survive once again. But there are major doubts.
LLL Prediction - Doomed!
Making a welcome return to the bright lights after a seven year spell in la Segunda, Tenerife are very much a unknown quantity.
Mainly because no-one really watches second division footie in Spain - well, La Liga Loca doesnÃ¢ÂÂt anyway - and most of the players in their new squad are the ones that led Tenerife to third in the division last year.
But having probed those who know considerably more, the feeling is that Tenerife will stay up due to the simple fact that they have a fortress of a home that lies somewhere off the coast of Brazil - an away trip that will surely bankrupt Valencia for starters.
LLL Prediction - This seasonÃ¢ÂÂs Getafe, AlmerÃÂa, Malaga, plucky so-and-soÃ¢ÂÂs.
La Liga Loca talking tripe or making sense? Go ahead and make the blog's day punks, by sharing your thoughts below.
FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Thank you for reading 5 articles this month* Join now for unlimited access
Enjoy your first month for just £1 / $1 / €1
*Read 5 free articles per month without a subscription
Join now for unlimited access
Try first month for just £1 / $1 / €1