BotN: ‘We’re ranked ninth in the world’, squeak plucky Danes

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The Back of the Net gang on the Netherlands' 'shock' 1-0 defeat to Denmark

Fresh from their 1-0 giant-killing win over the Netherlands, adorable minnows Denmark have piped up to tell everyone that they are the ninth-ranked team in the world and all this fuss is incredibly patronising.

“Look, we’re actually quite good,” said Denmark’s white-haired coach, 62-year old Morten Olsen. “We’ve got players at Manchester United and Roma. We topped our qualifying group ahead of Portugal. What the hell is wrong with you people?”

His side achieved probably the greatest upset in European Championships history thanks to a goal from Michael Krohn-Dehli, who looks like he has a part-time job as a tailor or something. His 24th-minute strike condemned the Dutch to a stunning defeat against a side probably ranked at least a hundred places below them by FIFA.

“Wes’re ranked ninth in the world by FIFA,” Krohn-Dehli told “I am not a tailor.”

Should they repeat the feat against Germany (ranked third) or Portugal (ranked tenth), it would probably count as the greatest thing Denmark has ever done, beating the Kalmar Union, TV show The Killing, and winning the European Championships in 1992.

“We won the European Championships in 1992, you idiots,” continued Krohn-Dehli, who bizarrely claims he used to play for Ajax. “We beat Portugal in October. We haven’t lost to Germany for sixteen years, for helvede.”

Short-sighted grandfather Olsen concluded his press conference by insisting that his team of wacky no-hopers deserved their win, asking journalists if they hadn’t got Denmark confused with the Faroe Islands, or Norway.

Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.

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