Saturday
Xerez (20th) v Tenerife (18th)
Tenerife boss, José Luis Oltra, cuts a lonely figure down in the doom zone by being the only manager in the bottom five to have started the campaign with his club.
But in case that situation changes after SaturdayâÂÂs inevitable away defeat to Xerez, Marca nipped in, this week, and chose Oltra as the target of their âÂÂanything but footballiâ interview - a feature that is a natural extension of the paperâÂÂs âÂÂanything but footballâ editorial line for the other pages.
One topic of conversation was SpainâÂÂs obsession with gossip and a face-falling character who found fame due to a love of plastic surgery and the ability to get knocked up by a bullfighter.
âÂÂIt reflects our society a little bit; itâÂÂs losing its values,â sighed Oltra. âÂÂEveryone knows Belen Esteban and nobody knows the name of the minister of culture or health. Including me.âÂÂ
LLL Prediction - Home win
Deportivo (6th) v Valladolid (19th)
Valladolid have been in the Madridista bad books all week due to their fairly forthright ways against their visitors on Sunday night.
But despite stamps, stabs and some ankle-threatening tackling, Valladolid boss, Onésimo, felt that âÂÂit wasnâÂÂt a violent game.âÂÂ
Onésimo: "It's just handbags, really..."
LLL is dying to see what hellish kind of death match the portly Pucela man would consider to be a niggly encounter.
LLL Prediction - Home win
Athletic (7th) v Getafe (8th)
Athletic Bilbao have published the plans and designs for their nifty, â¬173m stadium which will begin construction once a large chunk of the cash required to build it can be squeezed from the coffers of the local government.
The new 55,000 capacity super-duper San Mamés will be built alongside the current ground and will contain bars, restaurants, car parks, swimming pools, a museum celebrating Castilian culture and quite possibly some space to park a Basque Thunderbird 2.
LLL Prediction - Home win
Real Madrid (1st) v Sporting (12th)
ItâÂÂs been a busy, busy week in the 27th circle of hell where Marca have their offices. It has been spent moaning about players tackling Cristiano Ronaldo and - LLL is not making this up - praising the footballerâÂÂs god awful, grease-laden hair in a one page special.
The good name of Muhammad Ali was tarnished with the editor presenting the former boxer with one of their tacky Marca Legend awards.
Fabio Capello has been discussed as a replacement for Manuel Pellegrini - again, LLL is not making this up - and the paper has gone about its business of doing their Real Madrid mastersâ dirty work by messing with other teamâÂÂs heads before key encounters.
"I float like a butterfly, sting like a Ronaldo freekick to the knackers"
Before the first Barcelona clash, the ludicrous idea of Andrés Iniesta moving to the Bernabeu was a hot topic. Against Valencia it was Davids Villa and Silva.
In the clashes with Sevilla, the paper pondered over potential bids for Diego Perotti and Jesus Navas, only to go very quiet once the matches were over.
âÂÂItâÂÂs no coincidence that Madrid are trying to destabilise a rival before a game...Navas will come to the Bernabeu and do them over,â claimed Sevilla president, José Maria del Nido, in a prediction that sadly failed to come true before their clash a fortnight ago.
With Atlético Madrid due in a weekâÂÂs time, Marca have shot their bolt very early, like Ever Banega hearing his motherâÂÂs footsteps approaching, by claiming that Real Madrid have targeted Kun Agüero as a summer signing to play alongside Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaká, Benzema, Wayne Rooney, David Silva, David Villa and Jesus Navas.
âÂÂThe dark object of desire for Madrid,â said WednesdayâÂÂs edition - a story that Atleti president, Enrique Cerezo, responded to by admitting to Marca that âÂÂthe deal is done. Kaká, Cristiano, HiguaÃÂn and a bit of money.âÂÂ
LLL Prediction - Home win
Espanyol (14th) v Sevilla (4th)
The hopeless, stodgy blob of tissue, fat and gristle that is the brain of Barcelona VP and presidential candidate, Alfons Godall, sparked into life, this week, and - unsurprisingly - got him into all sorts of trouble.
Godall thought that he would alienate a large chunk of his electorate by insulting Spanish racing drivers, Fernando Alonso and Jaume Alguersuari, for the heinous crime of not being Barcelona fans.
After SundayâÂÂs Bahrain Grand Prix, Alfons wrote on his Facebook page (which offers up all kinds of ideas for blog mischief) that âÂÂI donâÂÂt like F1 with Madridista and Perico drivers,â and complained that the extremely popular Alonso was âÂÂSpanish and a Merengue.âÂÂ
Whilst the Formula 1 leader has so far stayed silent on the affair, Espanyol fan Alguersuari has responded in a storming letter and points out that âÂÂbeing an Espanyol fan doesnâÂÂt prevent me from deeply admiring Pep Guardiola and his formidable football team,â whilst noting that his father is a Barcelona socio.
âÂÂI didnâÂÂt mean to offend anyone,â was GodallâÂÂs meek reply. Good work Alfons!
LLL Prediction - Draw
Sunday
Málaga (15th) v Villarreal (9th)
As has already been widely published, Albert Riera did his Liverpool career no end of good by being rather mean and nasty about Rafa BenÃÂtez during a phone interview with Radio Marca.
"Why does he always ignore me!?" *sobs*...
Whilst some may mock the midfielder for a lack of media awareness, the blog suspects his tantrum was aimed directly at the ears of Villarreal who have been linked with a summer time move for the extraordinarily limited midfielder.
LLL Prediction - Home win
Mallorca (5th) v Atlético Madrid (10th)
âÂÂDrat and double drat!â shouted the ham-stuffed goons organising the Spanish football calendar as Kun AgüeroâÂÂs second goal went in against Sporting.
The ArgentineanâÂÂs strike sealed AtletiâÂÂs move into the quarterfinals of the Europa League and made it that little bit harder for them to find a date for the Copa del Rey final this blog suspects will be played sometime in August.
However, the marvellous mini-man can now rest up during SundayâÂÂs visit to Mallorca, with Kun suspended after picking up five yellow cards - two for time-wasting (and that doesnâÂÂt just mean playing for Atlético Madrid), one for arguing with the ref, one for diving and one for a nuts tackle in last weekâÂÂs clash with Osasuna.
LLL Prediction - Home win
Osasuna (13th) v Racing (16th)
Sergio Canalesâ recent stunning run of no goals in lots of games has apparently convinced his new owners, Real Madrid, that this kind of form is needed straight away at the Santiago Bernabeu.
Potentially in a desperate move to may Kaká look prolific in comparison, AS is reporting that the idea is being discussed in the corridors of Castle Greyskull of the young forward joining this summer, a year earlier than intended, especially if Racing continue their current voyage to the second division.
LLL Prediction - Draw
Valencia (3rd) v AlmerÃÂa (11th)
âÂÂIâÂÂve never seen such a game,â claimed Unai Emery. âÂÂMad,â said hat-trick hero, David Villa. What were they discussing?
ValenciaâÂÂs 4-4 draw with Werder Bremen that saw the side moving through to the Europa League quarterfinals, thatâÂÂs what.
LLL Prediction - Home win
Zaragoza (17th) v Barcelona (2nd)
Not that it normally stops the blog anyway, LLL has nothing to amusing or witty to add to BarcelonaâÂÂs wonderful victory over Stuttgart aside from the fact that the quarterfinal clash with Arsenal could be quite tasty.
So it will sign off with the highlights of the Messi show and some truly âÂÂOui! Oui! CâÂÂest magnifique!â commentary from France-land.
LLL Prediction - Home win
*You can catch La Liga Loca in pundit mode on RMTV's weekend preview show, Extra Time, repeated over the weekend on Sky Digitial 446*
More fromLa Liga Loca
FFT.com: Features * News * Interviews * Forums * Home
Interact: Twitter * Facebook * Twitter (@LaLigaLoca)
‘Ruben Amorim could have waited for Real Madrid and had a better chance to be successful – to have joined Manchester United, he must be convinced in his own ability’ Former Old Trafford coach’s verdict on new boss
‘After Manchester City’s recent form, maybe they’re the underdogs against Manchester United!’ Former Red Devils defender on this weekend’s derby
