The giggling like a little girl midweek review - Round 35
Let's face it, everyone - including La Liga Loca - is talking about Barcelona's not-at-all hidden shame today.
About the "pasillo" they were forced to hand Real Madrid before last night's clÃÂ¡sico. And the hideous 4-1 kicking they took during it - a kicking so comprehensive that hardly anyone has noticed that the referee, Mr. PÃÂ©rez Burull, turned in a performance of such ineptitude youÃ¢ÂÂd think he was running the Spanish FA.
Or maybe the league. Or the telly companies. Or Levante. Or Valencia.
But the clÃÂ¡sico wasn't the only thing going on in week 35. It wasnÃ¢ÂÂt even the only thing that had La Liga Loca giggling like a little girl. Oh no, we quite liked this stuff too:
ZaragozaÃ¢ÂÂs fans (but not Zaragoza.Ã¢ÂÂs team, who were bloody awful).
500 of whom travelled to Mestalla to see them against Valencia. Which might not sound like many but, trust us, on a Wednesday night in Spain, and going from Zaragoza all the way to Valencia, it is.
For those who know about the political machinations of the "trasvase del Ebro" project (where theyÃ¢ÂÂre trying to take AragÃÂ³nÃ¢ÂÂs water to help out in Valencia and Catalunya) their chant Ã¢ÂÂthe water wonÃ¢ÂÂt reach youÃ¢ÂÂ was pretty good too.
Getting safe. Although frankly it would have served one or two people right if they hadnÃ¢ÂÂt. And it would have been great to see Carlos Marchena go down after his truly shameful play-acting last night and all-round horrible bastardry all season.
Phew. Quite honestly, La Liga Loca thought they were screwed. Especially when they went 2-0 down.
Levante and Deportivo
When they came onto the pitch last night, LevanteÃ¢ÂÂs players wore t-shirts saying "we want our money now!" And as Deportivo kicked off they simply stood back, in a line, and let them attack (much as Barcelona did for Real Madrid, in fact) in protest at the fact that they have not been paid for two whole years.
Sergio ran all the way through unchallenged and put the ball wide, deliberately of course (although if it'd been Arizmendi you wouldnÃ¢ÂÂt have been so sure). Great stuff.
Levante squad: "we want our money now!"
Boyfriend to Nuria Bermudez and top of the Spanish goal-scoring charts, Guiza did it again as Mallorca beat Osasuna.
Nuria Bermudez: Better half of the man who can't stop scoring
Speaking of which: Cuco Ziganda
Hurrah for Cuco! La Liga Loca has a new hero. Last night Osasuna conceded a last minute winner when midfielder Juanfran went down pathetically clutching his face after an 'elbow' that was nothing of the sort.
Inevitably there was sod all wrong with him. Less inevitably, Mallorca carried on and didn't kick the ball out. Maybe because they didn't see or maybe because, like La Liga Loca, they are sick of acting and people taking advantage of sporting gestures, rolling round like theyÃ¢ÂÂve been shot one minute, skipping about like theyÃ¢ÂÂre bounding through a summer meadow with their sweetheart the next.
Anyway, while he was down Mallorca scored a goal that could send Osasuna to the Second Division. Cue massive full time barney and tunnel shenanigans. But if anyone expected Ziganda to come out in the press conference and whinge and cry and bawl like most coaches and players, they were wrong. "Mallorca," he said, "are under no obligation to kick the ball out at all. They did the right thing."
OlÃÂ©! La Liga Loca hopes Osasuna survive just for that.
And in news just in ... Frank Rijkaard will be replaced by Pep Guardiola
He might not always have been a great manager but Rijkaard was a very nice man and deserved better treatment. No more burping and glassy eyes in press conferences, alas.