La Liga LocaÃ¢ÂÂs Quotes of the Year - Part One
Our very own Tim Stannard runs through some of the more questionable quotations from the last 12 months of Spanish football...
Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂve got to look for players who wonÃ¢ÂÂt let me down...some of them arenÃ¢ÂÂt going to cheat me anymoreÃ¢ÂÂ - AtlÃÂ©tico boss, Quique SÃÂ¡nchez Flores, whips himself into a heck of a huff after a 3-0 defeat to Recreativo in the Copa del Rey with a message he was to repeat several times during the year. And will continue to do so until his inevitable firing sometime in February.
Ã¢ÂÂPalma is a city where people live very comfortably. If we play at five o'clock people are still eating their paella. If we play at night, itÃ¢ÂÂs too cold and people watch it on TV. If we play at seven, then itÃ¢ÂÂs too humidÃ¢ÂÂ - the then Mallorca boss, Gregorio Manzano, laments the fact that only 37 spectators bothered to watch his sideÃ¢ÂÂs wonderful campaign in the Ono Estadi which saw a fifth-placed finish.
Ã¢ÂÂI donÃ¢ÂÂt care if the dates of the centenary are correct or notÃ¢ÂÂ - Spanish FA president, Angel Villar, wasnÃ¢ÂÂt going to let the fact that his organisation celebrated their 75th birthday 21 years ago get in the way of a series of monumental lunches to commemorate the non-occasion.
Ã¢ÂÂThis is the worst moment of my careerÃ¢ÂÂ - Robert Pires hadnÃ¢ÂÂt even heard the words Ã¢ÂÂAston VillaÃ¢ÂÂ, Ã¢ÂÂtransferÃ¢ÂÂ and Ã¢ÂÂliving in a hotel in BirminghamÃ¢ÂÂ when he was lamenting his lot during some dark days on the fringes at Villarreal.
Ã¢ÂÂWe may have seen a red but anyone who knows anything about football understands this isnÃ¢ÂÂt a redÃ¢ÂÂ - Cristiano Ronaldo puts the blame entirely on MÃÂ¡laga defender, Patrick Mtiliga, for his sending off after thoughtlessly interrupting the path of the Real MadridÃ¢ÂÂs playerÃ¢ÂÂs elbow with his nose which was subsequently broken.
Ã¢ÂÂFlorentino PÃÂ©rez is kind, cares about the fans, has promoted his stars well and kept confidence in the coach. ItÃ¢ÂÂs Pellegrini who is the disgraceÃ¢ÂÂ - Marca kick off their charming and still ongoing attack on the former Real Madrid manager which sparked the Ã¢ÂÂside once lead by Manuel Pellegrini lose to BarÃÂ§aÃ¢ÂÂ spoof headline after NovemberÃ¢ÂÂs 5-0 defeat.
Ã¢ÂÂI canÃ¢ÂÂt stand those who doubt my professionalismÃ¢ÂÂ - Guti is quite right to take such a stance in a year when the maverick midfielder claimed he was staying at Real Madrid, wanted to play in Italy and England before choosing Turkey to continue his football adventure and drive his car into the sides of buses after one too many. Allegedly.
Ã¢ÂÂHe has to be cooked slowly, not shoved in the microwaveÃ¢ÂÂ Getafe manager, MÃÂchel, opines on the future for the then Racing striker and SpainÃ¢ÂÂs most promising young talent, Sergio Canales, who has since found himself stuffed into a freezer after his move to Real Madrid.
Canales: pierce film lid, microwave for 10 mins, leave to stand...
Ã¢ÂÂI apologise to the fans. They donÃ¢ÂÂt deserve this emotional roller coasterÃ¢ÂÂ - Poor Quique SÃÂ¡nchez is back with all the huffing after 0-2 home defeat to MÃÂ¡laga in the league.
Ã¢ÂÂThe relationship between club and fans is worthy of a doctoral thesisÃ¢ÂÂ - Sevilla president JosÃÂ© MarÃÂa del Nido contemplates the up-and-down nature of the SÃÂ¡nchez PizjuÃÂ¡n crowd, although the root causes of the fansÃ¢ÂÂ dislike of Alvaro Negredo could be explained by a slightly slow seven-year-old with a crayon.
Ã¢ÂÂThis is scientific certification that Madrid should be two points better offÃ¢ÂÂ - Marca director and winner of LLLÃ¢ÂÂs Ã¢ÂÂIdiot of the YearÃ¢ÂÂ award once again, Eduardo Inda, concludes that a giant refereeing conspiracy was assisting BarÃÂ§a in an open letter to Pep Guardiola.
Ã¢ÂÂMadrid start with a nine point advantage. The three they earn at the Vicente CalderÃÂ³n, the three they win against us at the Bernabeu and the three that Barcelona leave hereÃ¢ÂÂ - Atleti president, Enrique Cerezo, details the charitable contributions made by his club to Real Madrid year on year after a 2-1 win over BarÃÂ§a.
Ã¢ÂÂCensors and the media cave will not twist or dilute our opinions and shared objectivesÃ¢ÂÂ - Joan Ã¢ÂÂJoanÃ¢ÂÂ Laporta comes up with a typically nutty, paranoid reason to join Twitter and Facebook away from the usual excuse of wanting to willfully ignore actual human beings around you by hammering away on a Crackberry.
Ã¢ÂÂThings went badly at Espanyol and Javier Clemente. He told me to find another team as he didnÃ¢ÂÂt like small playersÃ¢ÂÂ - Albert Crusat leaves the world wondering if thereÃ¢ÂÂs a parallel world with the former Spain manager managing a Barcelona side with Xavi and Messi on the bench and Javier Arizmendi up front
Ã¢ÂÂI have the support of the players and the clubÃ¢ÂÂ - Wonderfully optimistic - but probably sarcastic - words from Manuel Pellegrini after Real MadridÃ¢ÂÂs traditional early doors ejection from the Champions League after defeat to Lyon.
Ã¢ÂÂYou need to bring a shot gun. Ã¢ÂÂBang, bangÃ¢ÂÂ and thatÃ¢ÂÂs itÃ¢ÂÂ - Former Mallorca manager Gregorio Manzano with an tactic on stopping Leo Messi that LLL is quite sure is illegal in Spain. Except in some remote parts of Andalusia during harsh winters perhaps.
Ã¢ÂÂWeÃ¢ÂÂve got ourselves into this situation and itÃ¢ÂÂs us who have to get us out of itÃ¢ÂÂ - The then Sevilla boss, Manolo JimÃÂ©nez was half right on his prediction before a 1-1 draw against Xerez meant that it was everyone else was forced to dig themselves out of the hole he had lead them into due to his immediate sacking.
Ã¢ÂÂI went to an interview. I had to as my parents made me so I wouldnÃ¢ÂÂt be hanging around the houseÃ¢ÂÂ - Villarreal midfielder, Cani, reveals how close he came to an alternative career of blocking supermarket aisles with stock trolleys before he was eventually saved by Zaragoza.
Cani: "Clean up in aisle seven..."
Ã¢ÂÂMy results are lamentable. They are enough to get a coach sackedÃ¢ÂÂ - OnÃÂ©simo SÃÂ¡nchez showed he may have more potential as a hiring and firing president in la Liga than a manager having being sacked as coach of Valladolid just a day after his observation.
Ã¢ÂÂThe match delegate for Madrid has to think seriously about the possibility of offering two balls to the ref: one for the game and one for RonaldoÃ¢ÂÂ - Roberto Palomar writing in Marca on CristianoÃ¢ÂÂs tendency to hog the ball as much as he does the mirror.
Ã¢ÂÂI prefer spending 14 hours on a bus to play in the Champions League than watch the semis on TVÃ¢ÂÂ - Pep Guardiola with a wonderfully barbed...er....barb thrown in the direction of the Spanish capital ahead of a lengthy volcano-inspired bus trip to Italy to face Inter Milan.
Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂm staying at Getafe, IÃ¢ÂÂve got a five year contract and the project the president offered me really excites meÃ¢ÂÂ - Pedro LeÃÂ³n was so thrilled by the future at the Coliseum that he moved to Real Madrid three months later.
Ã¢ÂÂThere will be 32,000 people there and if we count every Sevilla fan as three, we are 96,000Ã¢ÂÂ - JosÃÂ© Maria del Nido becomes the first president in la Liga history to overreport the match attendance before the Copa del Rey final against AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid.
Ã¢ÂÂFor me, Guti is gone. I read what he said and thatÃ¢ÂÂs what counts. He said goodbye to the fans, did a lap of the pitchÃ¢ÂÂ - Mourinho pretty much stamps on any last, lingering chance of Guti staying on at the Santiago Bernabeu. And then pees on it for good measure.
Ã¢ÂÂIt is one of the most important elements in a footballerÃ¢ÂÂs recoveryÃ¢ÂÂ - Neither hot women, rest, nor a comfy bed to take a siesta in were the concerns of Marca during the World Cup in South Africa, instead it was issues over the importation of the teamÃ¢ÂÂs Jamon Serrano.
If Pep doesnÃ¢ÂÂt want Ibra then IÃ¢ÂÂd recommend he went to a mental hospitalÃ¢ÂÂ - ZlatanÃ¢ÂÂs agent Mino Raiola signals the beginning of the end of his clientÃ¢ÂÂs short-lived stay at the Camp Nou, or maybe even the end of the beginning...or the middle of the end.
Ã¢ÂÂSometimes (the decisions) will be unpopular and unpleasant but theyÃ¢ÂÂve got to be takenÃ¢ÂÂ - Valencia president, Manuel Llorente talking about the sale of David Villa to Barcelona, although LLL suspects he is alluding to the purchase of serial chance-blower, Roberto Soldado.
Ã¢ÂÂItÃ¢ÂÂs contradictory to have the logo of UNICEF and sign agreements with UzbekistanÃ¢ÂÂ - The then Barcelona presidential candidate, Sandro Rosell, still with his business morals intact during a wonderfully bitchy election campaign.
Ã¢ÂÂWith the situation weÃ¢ÂÂre in and with the stress, sometimes your body doesnÃ¢ÂÂt do what you want ask it. But not me. I disconnect well enoughÃ¢ÂÂ - Getafe president, Angel Torres, makes everyone feel a touch icky claiming there were no downstairs problems in his love-house no matter how badly his team were doing.