LLL For Madrid President: The Campaign Continues
Many, many moons ago, La Liga Loca declared itself as a candidate in the wacky race to be the next president of Real Madrid, to enormous global press interest.
After weeks of wheeling and dealing, contemplating and conferring in dark smoky rooms, the blog has realised with much sighage that it must resort to desperate measures in its aim of being crowned King of Castle Greyskull.
La Liga Loca needs help from its multimillion-numbered readership.
With the elections having been formally declared last Sunday and set to be held on June 7, or June 14, or in May, La Liga Loca has come to the depressing conclusion that it is not qualified to stand in the presidential poll due to a number of very, very unfair failures.
And this is where all you good, good people in the real world come into the equation.
La Liga Loca is looking for a stooge... sorry, candidate... to front the PeopleÃ¢ÂÂs Campaign.
The requirements from the campaignÃ¢ÂÂs frontman are simple...
1) Must be Spanish and over 18.
2) Must have been a Real Madrid member for 10 years, or five years under Ã¢ÂÂspecial casesÃ¢ÂÂ. Or be very good at Photoshop and hacking.
3) Have the ability to recognise actors that have appeared in National Treasure.
An elected leader, yesterday
In the event of a glorious victory for La Liga Loca, the stooge will be required to do nothing more than follow the instructions of the blog collective to the letter, plonk a gallon of hairgel on their head, annoy Sir Alex Ferguson and be prepared to answer busybodying questions about your expenses claims.
The downside of the role is the strong possibility that for the length of your mandate you will have a grudge-bearing RamÃÂ³n CalderÃÂ³n letting down your tyres and tipping your bin over.
Roberto GÃÂ³mez in Marca writes that the ex-president is still fuming at current head honcho Vicente Boluda and told him to Ã¢ÂÂget lostÃ¢ÂÂ at the recent Spain vs Turkey clash at the Bernabeu.
That cantankerous outburst came after failing to invite his successor to the Spanish FAÃ¢ÂÂs centenary celebrations, something that CalderÃÂ³n was in charge of organising.
The role is expected to last four years, although recent history shows that the stooging position will only take two years of your life due to the Julius Caesar backstabbing nature of the Bernabeu club.
"Et tu, Boluda?"
However, in these short months, there is ample opportunity for collecting amusing dinner party anecdotes. And shiny trinkets.
RamÃÂ³n CalderÃÂ³n can often be heard recalling with a chuckle how he was mistaken for a Central American drug lord at a New York airport, handed over a Real Madrid credit card and shirt to an Italian Nicolas Cage impersonator, called up his mate Cesc Fabregas and accidentally insulted much of his squad to a room full of journalism students.
All interested parties or those who want to nominate people who they feel would be perfect for the role, should add their comments to the blog or e-mail their thoughts directly to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Over the next few weeks, La Liga Loca and its Dear Readers will be putting their limited braincells together to tackle the thorny issue of raising the 52.5m Euro deposit necessary to become an official candidate as well as carving up all the plum jobs in the event of a glorious victory.
La Liga Loca - the change Real Madrid deserves.