Redknapp thinking outside the box in transfer quest, as O'Neill curries favour at Sunderland

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Spurs target found to be carefully arranged pile of shoeboxes

Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp has admitted his disappointment after a scouting mission to watch Marseille striker Loic Remy revealed the gifted marksman to be a sturdy pile of discarded footwear containers.

The day after a 1-1 draw with Wolves ended Spurs’ 24-hour bid to win the Premier League, Redknapp jetted off to watch Remy net twice in Marseille’s win over Lille.

However, while the French Press continue to laud the 24-goal hitman, Redknapp wasn’t satisfied with what he saw.  

“From a distance he looked the part and he’s taken his two goals well in fairness,” Redknapp told Back of the Net while completing the sale of a job lot of Region-3 DVDs on Brick Lane.

“But late on in the game it’s become clear that he’s actually a collection of cardboard boxes with a shirt pulled over them and that, for me, is a concern.

“Loic’s had fantastic success in Ligue 1, but the Premier League is another matter. Against your Boltons and Blackburns maybe we could bounce a few off Remy, but his movement is going to let him down against the likes of your Manchester Citys, in fairness.

“At least this shows why it was necessary for me to fly across Europe rather than trust the word of a network of highly-paid scouts, countless videos and newspaper articles.”

Redknapp was also disappointed in the summer when he was forced to back out of a deal for Brazilian marksman Luis Fabiano at the 11th hour after scouts discovered he was in fact a thriving coffee shop.

The worst victims of lax scouting in recent times were Bristol Rovers, who signed Latvian international Vitalijs Astafjevs in 2000 only to later discover that he was a plural, forcing comedian turned manager Ian Holloway to field 10 men for most of the campaign.


O’Neill creates ‘stunning’ rogan josh from contents of Bruce’s pantry

New Sunderland boss Martin O’Neill continues to impress at the Stadium of Light after producing a delectable curry from a cupboard of ingredients Steve Bruce had written off.

The arrival of O’Neill has seen a marked upturn in the Black Cats’ fortunes with players, fans and staff alike praising his immediate impact and heavily insinuating their relief at Bruce’s exit.

“With all due respect to Brucey [Steve Bruce], Martin’s brought a real buzz to the place,” defender Matthew Kilgallon enthused.

“It’s just nice to come in to training and not feel a disorientating cocktail of revulsion and sympathy.”

Within an hour of his appointment, O’Neill had already sorted out set piece marking, instigated a new fitness regime and completed a sudoku puzzle that Bruce had been battling with since this time last season.

And upon Sunderland’s triumphant return to the North East following the recent FA Cup third round win at Peterborough, O’Neill pulled off an equally impressive culinary tour de force at the Stadium of Light.

Flinging open a draw marked ‘Steve Bruce’s stuff’, O’Neill rustled up a rogan josh that wowed his squad.

“The gaffer’s just gone through the box and pulled out two quartered onions, some sunflower oil, four garlic cloves, a thumb-sized piece of root ginger, Madras curry paste, paprika, a cinnamon stick, six green cardamom, four cloves, two bay leaves, a tube of tomato puree, a lean leg of lamb and a tub of Greek yoghurt and before you know it he’s made a stunning curry for us all,” Kilgallon explained.

“It’s taken us all by surprise because the old gaffer [Steve Bruce] had told us he couldn’t make anything without buying in some new ingredients.”