Marca's month of making stuff up

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Once upon a time, La Liga Loca came across a poor desperate soul who used to work for Marca. And very ashamed he was about it, too. This now ex-Madrid propaganda spouting minion revealed what most people have suspected all along - that the paper just makes stuff up.

Especially during the summer.

After several minutes with a rubber hose and a David Bisbal CD, The Marca mole 'fessed up and revealed that the paper would set up a white board in an office, scrawl the name of every footballer they've ever heard of on it and merrily link them without any substance whatsoever to a random selection of clubs over the following three months.

This revelation does help to explain the truly peculiar 'Zat Knight to Real Madrid' story that popped up a couple of years ago.

"Have you heard Real Madrid want to sign me..."

On Tuesday, the paper is at it again with the big fat lie that Sir Alex Ferguson was willing to sell Cristiano Ronaldo to Barcelona over the summer for half the fee being offered by Real Madrid. Just to spite them.

As some background, Marca hate every inch of the Manchester United boss' guts due to his laudable and fully justified love of insulting the paper and banning their hacks from United press conferences.

Not to mention the fact that the red faced ranter has made them look very silly indeed with his refusal to let Ronaldo leave Old Trafford.

On Monday, the paper went as far as placing Fergie just one place above a drug cheat in their top 10 of bile and sneered that the manager hasn't been acting like a 'Sir'.

However, few seem to believe Marca's dubious claims if the paper's own message boards are a guide with one cynical old sow writing that, "you're pathetic, Marca. The main guilty party is you, the ones who have been lying to your readers with your false news."

Fergie: Not high on Marca's Christmas card list

AS have wisely decided to remove the by-line photo which was posted next to Tomás Guasch's column in Monday's edition. To celebrate the fact that the paper's lead writer - and a grown man - is in Beijing, Guasch was pictured dressed as Aladdin with his fingers pulling back his eyes in the very unfortunate manner adopted by Spain's two basketball teams in a promotional shot.

However, the paper returned to its familiar culturally sensitive ways by publishing a jaw-droppingly inappropriate picture of Atlético Madrid's next opponents, Schalke, giving Nazi salutes before a game in 1939.

AS go on to happily point out that the German side was dominant during Hitler's regime and lost just six matches from 189 games from 1933-45.

One can only hope that the German press respond with an article on the life and times of Jesus Gil in response.

Their cornflake-spitting moment of madness was matched by the comment heard on Monday night from TVE, Spain's national broadcaster and the channel covering the Olympic Games.

"Sometimes we get confused about the Chinese players because they all look the same," confessed the presenter discussing the basketball.

Barcelona-based inky rag Mundo Deportivo have entertained themselves by giving Javier Clemente a couple of beers (maybe) and setting him off on the subject of Real Madrid - always an excellent plan.

Clemente: Don't mention Real Madrid

Clemente warmed up on the subject of refereeing bias in favour of FIFA's team of the 20th century. "The kicks they give you at their ground are nothing," complained the Murcia manager, "but the ones you give them are shameful."

And Clemente was not finished there and quickly moved the Madrid-loving press into his cantankerous crosshairs.

"The journalists who follow Real Madrid only do so because they want the president to give them a badge, but they should know that the Real Madrid badge only costs seven pesetas," ranted Javier.

A disappointed La Liga Loca is sending its back straight away.

Juan Villalonga - the ex-Valencia president who has set up an alternate Mestalla regime that exists in his head - has revealed what the club would have looked like going into the new season had he not been sacked after 16 days.

To stick with club tradition, Villalonga would apparently have sacked Unai Emery in a brilliant move and replaced him with Luis Aragonés. The former Telefonica boss would then have brought in Dani Güiza and Ronaldinho along with Rafael Van der Vaart - a player pictured last year in a Valencia shirt before a possible deal collapsed.

Villalonga: Not bitter... much

Aldo Duscher nearly had the drugs testers swooping down on the Sánchez Pizjuán by revealing that he was delighted with his move to Sevilla from Racing Santander and that "it really does remind me of Deportivo!"

"A few years ago," he added.

Look at that. A story about Sevilla with the Olympics on and not one cheap joke about synchronised diving. La Liga Loca may be starting to grow up.