Here we go again...
Almost there! The 2019/20 Premier League is just about ready for lift-off, but nobody yet knows what's in store. Can Manchester City be toppled? Will Liverpool run out of steam? Have Aston Villa run out of footballers to sign? Is Manuel Pellegrini actually alive?
Nevertheless, we've had a crack at predicting some of the stuff that might happen this campaign. Starting with...
Liverpool will win nothing
The pain of breaking the club’s record points haul and still not winning the title was eased by Liverpool’s success in the Champions League last season. They might not be so lucky this time around.
Matching their 2018/19 return of 97 points will be a big ask, particularly as Roberto Firmino, Mohamed Salah and Sadio Mane have all had busier summers than most of their rivals. Retaining their continental crown may also prove beyond the Reds, and Jurgen Klopp is unlikely to take the domestic cups too seriously.
Fabian Delph will be bargain of the summer
Given the nature of the transfer market these days, £8.5m for a two-time Premier League champions and regular England international represents a fantastic bargain. After standing in at left-back for Manchester City in 2017/18, Delph found opportunities limited in his favoured midfield role last term.
He’s bound to be a regular at Everton, though, where his drive, tenacity and leadership will be welcomed. Still only 29, Delph has plenty to offer on Merseyside.
Guardiola will have a VAR-neurysm
Pep Guardiola was remarkably sanguine when video technology denied his Manchester City side Champions League quarter-final passage against Tottenham – particularly the marginal offside call which went against what would have been Raheem Sterling’s late winner.
Guardiola seemed slightly more perturbed that Fernando Llorente’s tie-sealer was allowed to stand, despite an apparent handball. The City boss has been known to throw the occasional tantrum, and if another tight VAR call goes against him – particularly when the champions face Liverpool in November – the Catalan could go nuclear.
Shkodran Mustafi will dislocate his shoulder(s)
It’s not exactly news that Arsenal fans have had it with their German centre-back. The return of Mustafi’s go-to post-conceding pose – shoulders outstretched, on the half turn, and shouting at anyone within earshot as the ball sits in the corner of the net – has brought Gunners out in cold sweats over pre-season.
With such a pose deployed so often, usually when the man himself has been caught out of position, Mustafi’s consistent posturing puts undue pressure on his shoulder blades that it can’t be long before his rotator cuffs give up entirely.
Brighton will reimagine Quadrophenia
In taking minnows Ostersund from Swedish fourth tier to the last 32 of the Europa League and a tie with Arsenal, Graham Potter employed a ‘culture academy’ where players sang, danced and acted in front of an audience to help improve their performances. Shows included a rock concert (with Potter himself taking the mic) and recital of Tchaikovsky ballet Swan Lake.
The former Swansea boss is now promising Brighton a progressive new playing style stymied by predecessor Chris Hughton, and should put together a reimagining of the Who-inspired 1979 film Quadrophenia (set in the Sussex town) to bring his Seagulls players together.
Lewis Dunk playing a naked Ray Winstone in the bath? Or Dale Stephens channelling his inner Sting with a bit of bellboy Ace Face? Potter, Reign o’er Me!
Mike Dean to take centre stage again
The most entertaining person to watch in the Premier League isn’t David Silva, Son Heung-min or Mohamed Salah. No, that honour belongs to Mike Dean, a man who would no doubt love to sign a lifetime lease in the limelight.
Dean even managed to go viral after the conclusion of the Premier League campaign in May, with the Wirral-born whistleblower spotted giving it large in the crowd as Tranmere beat Forest Green in the League Two play-offs. Knight that man immediately.
Burnley will name the same team for 38 games
Sean Dyche has no time for fancy foreign ideas like squad rotation. No, the Burnley gaffer likes to keep things simple, naming the exact same starting XI as often as possible – even during the notoriously fixture-heavy festive period.
Perhaps 2019/20 will be the campaign in which Dyche fulfils what we presume is a childhood dream by naming the same line-up from week one to week 38. What’s that, Tarky, a broken leg? Run it off, son.
Jefferson Lerma will turn into a yellow card
On his Premier League debut for Bournemouth, Jefferson Lerma was shown a yellow card. The referee also took his name in his second top-flight appearance in England, and by the end of 2018/19 the combative midfielder had been booked on 12 occasions.
That actually marked a decrease on the 19 bookings he earned at Real Betis the previous campaign, but Lerma is clearly a man who enjoys being shown a yellow card. Expect plenty more where that came from in 2019/20.
Arsenal supporters won’t overreact
A misplaced pass from Granit Xhaka? A dropped catch from Bernd Leno? Losing a 2-0 lead at home to Norwich? We expect Arsenal supporters to take everything in their stride, blud.
Martin Dubravka will be a busy boy
It doesn’t feel like an exaggeration to say that Newcastle owe their Premier League status almost entirely to Rafael Benitez. The Spaniard did superbly to keep an average squad in the top flight for two seasons on the bounce, and his departure makes relegation much more likely this term.
Benitez’s strength has always lay in defensive organisation, and Newcastle duly conceded fewer goals than Arsenal and Manchester United last time out. Without his guidance, we expect goalkeeper Dubravka will have plenty of work to get through.
Crystal Palace will go down
Wilfried Zaha looks set to stay at Selhurst Park, but Palace’s squad is still weaker than the one that ended 2018/19. Selling the brilliant Aaron Wan-Bissaka for £50m made sense, but there are doubts over whether the club will reinvest that money wisely.
Unless Christian Benteke rediscovers his scoring touch (unlikely after four goals in two seasons), Palace will struggle for goals this year. Even with Zaha in tow, Roy Hodgson’s men could be in for a relegation battle.
Brendan Rodgers will redo his teeth
Brendan Rodgers has quietly assembled an excellent Leicester squad this summer, and the Foxes are genuine top-six contenders for 2019/20. They beat the bigger boys to talismanic midfielder Youri Tielemans and spirited Ayoze Perez away from Newcastle for £30m, adding to an already-hungry and well-stocked squad.
Jamie Vardy, Wilfred Ndidi, Ben Chillwell and James Maddison all offer proven quality. Throw in the relative troubles at Arsenal, United and Chelsea, and Rodgers' side could challenge. If they do, you can imagine the Ulsterman finding the need to have his teeth redone (again) because he’ll be smiling so much.
Commentators will adore Aston Villa’s squad
First it was a Brazilian called Wesley. Then Trezeguet, the Egyptian forward known to his mum as Mahmoud Ahmed Ibrahim Hassan, and named after the French legend by a former youth coach. Most recently it’s Marvelous Nakamba, another big-money recruit from Club Brugge.
Now, these are excellent names. Marvelous, even. So good, in fact, that commentators up and down the land won’t miss the chance to remind us all about it every 15 seconds. Like we just have.
Twitterati will continue to conspire
Not even football is exempt from the post-truth times in which we live. Liverpool and Tottenham are bottlers because they perform over expectations, but can’t quite get over the line. Ditto Leeds. Both Manchester clubs will argue incessantly over transfer fees, net spends and other metrics too tiresome to mention.
The tribalism which now exists in social media’s echo chamber is a frightening thing to behold, and something that isn’t going away any time soon. Why can’t we all just get along?
Chris Wilder will surprise
Sheffield United might not avoid relegation this term, but they’ll certainly be worth watching. Wilder is a progressive coach who’s employed a fascinating 3-5-2 system with overlapping centre-backs (no, that’s not a typo) at Bramall Lane.
Wilder’s been in charge of the club he once represented as a player since 2016, first leading the Blades to promotion from League One and then returning them to the top tier last term. They begin 2019/20 as one of the favourites for the drop, but don’t write off Wilder’s bunch just yet.
