HE'S A SOMETIME internet terrorist, better known as JayFC or @ummjay and his annual A-League bloopers videos on YouTube have become legendary.
After vowing to get FourFourTwo online editor Kevin Airs sacked (or possibly killed) six years ago, the pair have reached a peace treaty - and he's reluctantly agreed to join us and give us his warped weekly round up throughout the new season.
This probably won't end well, but hey, let's enjoy the trip anyway, eh?? Take it away, Jay...
The B-League Arrives
After a six month hiatus, the A-League is finally back, and has brought with it a series of rugged beards better suited to burly, testosterone-filled lumberjacks. Yes, football in this country has gotten back to its manly roots with Justin Pasfield, Mark Bridge, Nikolai Topor-Stanley and Josh Brillante all giving up the razor to sport their masculine beards. And nothing symbolises masculinity more than unkempt facial hair. Beards in the A-League are as rare as seeing a leprechaun riding a bulletproof Pegasus through Atlantis. And this season we have F-O-U-R of them. On that fact alone, I have no hesitations in declaring this to be the best A-League season ever.
6 and out.
So Holger’s time with the Socceroos has come to an end after the German heartthrob secured his sacking with another 6-0 defeat; this time to France. The last time (and only time) the Socceroos conceded more than 12 goals in two back to back fixtures was in 1955, when Australia lost to South Africa 8-0 and then 6-0 to the same opponent. Which is all ironic because 1955 was when most of our backline was being born. Hopefully our next Socceroo coach will select a backline that doesn’t feature any prosthetic hips or walking frames.
Former relevant footballer Scott “Scott” Chipperfield has once again stirred the pot of the Australian football community with his unhinged rantings via Twitter. This time, Scott is making waves by declaring that Holger isn't to blame for the Socceroos' downward spiral, but rather, the underwhelming stock he had available. But of course, he presents that argument with the same grace and humility as an MTV Miley Cyrus performance. Whether you agree with him or not, you cannot argue that his Twitter is a never-ending supply of must-see drama, which is why you need to be following him immediately.
Hi Ljubo. Bye Ljubo.
Disappointment is blanketing the Australian football community after self-confessed porn addict Ljubo Milicevic decided to end his stay at Perth Glory, spending only six weeks with the club. This is disappointing as no noted Ljubo hijinks had arisen during his spell. There wasn’t a player mutiny launched against club management over getting massages outside instead of indoors. He didn’t register on half a dozen football forums, just to troll everything associated with Australian soccer. Nor did he decline a Socceroo call up to go to his brother’s bucks night. It was all relatively drama-free for a club that housed Ljubo for so long. Nonetheless, we wish Ljubo the best of luck as he reunites with his old club Hadjuk Split, who forgot to pay his wages for six months last time around.
Unavailable: Gameiro – 6 Weeks (juggling injury)
And shoutouts to Corey Gameiro’s ongoing struggle with his own equilibrium, after the striker somehow managed to dislocate his knee while filming a promo for Fox Sports. The clumsy striker will be out for six weeks because something about juggling on a marble floor while wearing metal studs caused him to slip and… there you go. Corey has this image as a big, strapping lad. But thanks to this, the only way you can imagine him now is as a giant bumbling klutz. Here’s some situations you dont want the clumsy Corey Gameiro involved in: Corey leaving a restaurant’s kitchen holding a tray of soup, with a mouse darting along the floor. Corey approaching a long flight of stairs, carrying a view-obstructing box, with a comically placed banana peel on the ground. Basically, any situation that involves gravity, now seems problematic for Corey.