10 of football's maddest medicals: starring teething trouble and too much sex

Ravel Morrison Birmingham medical

Louis Massarella checks out these prospective new signings' bizarre check-ups

1. Ravel a bit wrong in the tooth

Former Manchester United prodigy Ravel Morrison has been labelled ‘temperamental’, ‘chaotic’ and ‘bizarre’ during his short career. Just don’t call him ‘toothy’. Before passing a medical to join Birmingham on loan in 2012, the then-West Ham midfielder needed emergency treatment to have seven gnashers removed after complaining of toothache during the Hammers’ pre-season tour of Germany. His teeth were reportedly in such bad condition that he was advised to have dental implants costing £28,000. 

2. Frank shows the ladies his worth

Notorious shagger Frank Worthington’s aborted move from Huddersfield to Liverpool in 1972 is the stuff of legend. After failing his medical due to high blood pressure apparently caused by having too much sex, Worthington was sent to ‘calm down’ in Majorca, where he continued to enjoy “the fruits of being young” – namely (in no particular order): Miss Great Britain, a Swedish mother and daughter, and an unnamed Belgian beauty. He returned, failed the medical again, and joined Leicester instead.

Frank Worthington medical

Liverpool's loss was most certainly Leicester's gain

3. Fourth time lucky for Hartson

“There is the possibility that the medical might not go well,” said Rangers chairman David Murray, fearing the worst as John Hartson prepared for his once-over ahead of an expected move to the Glasgow giants in 2000. Big John, who had already failed medicals at Spurs and Charlton, again failed to muster a pass, but a year later joined Celtic where he was a huge success. “The best medical I’ve ever failed,” said the Welshman. ‘Gers fans might not agree.

4. Hinchcliffe told: you’re not hired

Even when he was plain old Alan Sugar, the Apprentice star was known for his ruthlessness – just ask Andy Hinchcliffe. The England left-back was on the verge of a £3 million move from Everton to Tottenham in January 1998, when Spurs chairman Sugar reportedly stepped in to stop hapless gaffer Christian Gross from mis-spending any more of his money (although the official line was that Hinchcliffe failed his medical because of a dodgy Achilles).

Rumour has it Spurs even sent Hinchcliffe the bill for the medical. Sugar eventually filled the left-back void with the signing of Paolo Tramezzani, who is now manager of Swiss top-flight side Lugano.

Next: PC 'Arry strikes again