The Mother-Insulting Weekend Predictions - Round 12

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Sporting (7th) vs Villarreal (11th)

Giuseppe Rossi’s agent claimed this week that his client could well make a summer move away from Villarreal and... and... and... sorry.

Stuff el clásico, as La Liga Loca is already so, so bored even before it has kicked off.

And Giuseppe Rossi’s agent can do one too, while we are at it.

The really, really big news this week is the apparent definition of what it truly means to be Swedish, according to a potty-mouthed politician during a debate that is detailed in

“A Green Party politician from southern Sweden is defending the use of sex organ slang during a local council debate about Swedishness.

"The remarks by Sofia Bothorp, which have brought her both praise and ridicule, came during a session of the local council in Karlskrona in southern Sweden.

"During the debate, Bothorp sought to praise what she saw as a particularly Swedish acceptance of freedom of expression, in particular when it came to discussion of sex.

"According to Bothorp, part of being Swedish is being able to “l**k p***y in the morning and s**k c**k in the evening if you want to.”


LLL Prediction - Away win

Valencia (4th) vs Mallorca (6th)

Joaquín plays for Valencia. Joaquín once played for Betis, too.

And it’s to Betis where La Liga Loca must go straight away, as life continues to go from bad to worse for the second division Andalusian club.

Last week, the blog reported that fans had invaded a training session in protest against the side’s recent lousy form.

Well, a 3-0 defeat to mighty Elche saw 30 supporters welcome the players to training the following Monday by shouting nifty slogans such as “you don’t feel the colours!”

On the same day, a campaign began on t’internet called “29N, I’m not watching Betis” calling for fans to enter the ground 20 minutes late after a pre-match protest.

However, the pompously-named “Federation of Betis fan groups” has failed to throw its significant weight behind the initiative arguing that “Betis fans have always been known for supporting and backing their team.”

The week ended in Seville with a dark cloud hovering over the Betis training camp and a sense of fear and dread in the air.

Club owner, Darth de Lopera, had ascended from his winter home in hell, and come to visit the squad to tell them that they are “a quality team that needs to shut a few mouths.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sevilla (3rd) vs Málaga (20th)

After last Sunday’s insanity against Zaragoza, the Málaga players have spent the week feeling very sorry for themselves, indeed, thanks to their sensationally shameful behaviour in the final stages of the 1-1 draw.

Midfielder Apoño was caught gobbing in the face of a somewhat shocked opponent and managed to find time to racially abuse Zaragoza striker, Ewerthon.

“It happened after he insulted my mother,” explained the Málaga man - an excuse that is pretty weak considering pretty much every insult in Spain involves someone’s mother or doing an unmentionable deed in your enemy’s milk.

Nut job defender Weligton was another footballer looking for salvation after Sunday’s elbow-inspired sending off.

“I’ve got to be a bit smarter and not lose my rag,” admitted the Brazilian stopper who is now serving a one match ban.

LLL Prediction - Home win


Valladolid (15th) vs Tenerife (16th)

Of all the club presidents in La Liga, Valladolid’s Carlos Suarez is by far the least objectionable.

Although that’s not saying a great deal considering his top-flight colleagues are comprised of the odd criminal, a smattering of megalomaniacs and a gaggle of ‘creative accountants’.

This week, the former basketball player was on local radio joking that he may take advantage of the visit of Sporting and their usual 6,000 fans in round 15 of la Liga by whacking the ticket prices up to “90 euros.”

Continuing in his jolly, jovial mood Suarez also had a good giggle at poor old Atlético and astutely noted that “they’re in a crisis, with their budget and wanting to be in the top three and being at the bottom.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (9th) vs Xerez (19th)

For some utterly unfathomable reason, Russian league champions Rubin Kazan are under the mistaken impression that Getafe striker Roberto Soldado is a) any good and b) would be delighted by the prospect of trudging around Siberia in sub-zero temperatures.

The hit-and-miss forward - with miss being the key component, here - is thought to be a winter transfer target for the commie club, although Getafe manager, Michel, claims that “I notice he’s not learning Russian, at the moment.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing (17th) vs Deportivo (5th)

It wasn’t just in Eastenders where Deportivo striker Riki! suffered endless torment and misery. It’s in La Liga, too.

The gravity-challenged forward has now been handed two yellow cards in successive games for ‘simulation’ in the box. And both of them looked as fair as curtains, too.

“The problem with Riki is that he doesn’t know how to fall over,” explained Lord of Doom and Deportivo boss, Miguel Angel Lotina. “It’s quite difficult to teach this.”

LLL Prediction - Away win

Almería (13th) vs Athletic (8th)

After giving them a bit of a whiff and wave out the window, it’s time for La Liga Loca to pull on it’s sensible trousers, once again, for an update of the ‘Basque politics meets Spanish football’ clash of the titans.

Last week, the blog reported that the Basque Parliament had passed a resolution calling for the return of the national football side to the region.

The immediate reaction from the likes of Athletic and Real Sociedad was icey to say the least.

However, there has been some movement up north with lower league side Barakaldo requesting that Spain’s U21 side play a game in their stadium with AS predicting that it could well be next March’s clash with Liechtenstein.

“Everything that puts money in the bank is welcome,” shrugged Miguel Acero, the Barakaldo president.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Zaragoza (14th) vs Osasuna (12th)

At last, the real Osasuna is back.

At the start of the season, La Liga Loca felt that something wasn’t quite right in the Pamplonan paradise. The club was just being too polite.

But that approach was thrown out on the window last weekend in the home defeat to Valencia.

It was a game that saw a linesman being hit by a sandwich (not funny, of course) and produced two red cards for Osasuna - the second of which came from Flaño literally booting his opponent into the air with no attempt whatsoever to get the ball.

Wonderful stuff.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Barcelona (2nd) vs Real Madrid (1st)

This week, poor Royston Drenthe was spotted wandering around a football pitch looking lost, bothered and bewildered.

But for once, there wasn’t a game going on around him.

Instead the left-winger had lost his diamond earrings on one of the Valdebebas training pitches.

However, after a good half an hour spent paying enormous attention to grass, the Dutchman could only locate one and gave up the other as lost, losing a cool €6,000 in the process.

Meanwhile, it has been revealed that Lady Gago is either a dreamy, sensitive soul or a huge girl’s blouse, depending on which way your crumpet it cut.

The Argentine’s agent has commented that his client is seeking a loan deal in Italy as the good Lady appears to be well and truly out of Manuel Pellegrini’s plans, at the moment.

But even better than that, Marcelo Lombilla also claims that whenever the Poker Face footballer is left out of the Real Madrid squad, “he’s at home crying.”

And that’s exactly what Madridistas were doing on Wednesday night for much of the club’s Champions League chumpathon against Zurich.

“I’m bored, you’re bored, he’s bored, she’s bored, we’re bored, they’re bored,” wrote a grammar-inspired Tomás Roncero in AS the following morning.

LLL Prediction - Home win (3-1)

Atlético Madrid (18th) vs Espanyol (10th)

1-1 away to APOEL was the perfect scoreline for rojiblanco watchers, this week.

Rubbish enough for everyone to still have a good, old chuckle at their expense - especially after conceding to their Cypriot opponents after just five minutes - but enough to hang on to third place and more possible humiliation in the Europa Cup against Liverpool.

“Could have been worse. Could have been much worse,” wrote Iñako Díaz-Guerra who feels that the only thing to be done now with his side is, “take the team to pieces and start all over again.”

LLL Prediction - Home win (surely)

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