White Stripes and Wrong Stripes in La Liga
When a teamÃ¢ÂÂs square-jawed, super-duper, fansÃ¢ÂÂ favourite forward ends up with a knee knack or a gammy groin, there are several ways for a club to deal with the unfortunate occurrence.
The most popular approach is to give the sickly striker the finest treatment money can buy, feed them the fluffiest of muffins and tuck them into bed with a story every night.
Some - like one particular club that plays in white - prefer to turn on each other in a Lord of the Flies, zombie massacre.
But Betis, for one, like to do things a little differently.
A couple of weeks ago, majority shareholder Darth de Lopera - the King of Stinge, the Mr Burns of Betis - was gazing at his video wall and discovered, with a start, that all was not well with one of his slaves.
Ã¢ÂÂMinion! Who is this... Edu? And why is he limping!Ã¢ÂÂ demanded Darth de Lopera.
"You want money? Operation!? Smithers... release the hounds!"
Ã¢ÂÂHeÃ¢ÂÂs our top striker, sir. The one who saved us from relegation last season,Ã¢ÂÂ simpered the fawning lackey. Ã¢ÂÂHeÃ¢ÂÂs about to go to Finland for an operation to get his leg fixed. He should be back with us in the New Year.Ã¢ÂÂ
Ã¢ÂÂWhat! An operation!Ã¢ÂÂ screamed the tight-fisted titan, sending his yapping Huskies into a panic. Ã¢ÂÂDo you know how expensive they are! This wonÃ¢ÂÂt do! This wonÃ¢ÂÂt do at all!Ã¢ÂÂ
And so it came to pass that Edu travelled to the Finnish town of Turku to have his leg knack taken care of. And had to pay for the travel, accommodation and procedure out of his own pocket.
I wasnÃ¢ÂÂt expecting anything else from de Lopera,Ã¢ÂÂ sighed the significantly skinter striker from the comfort of his local Lapp dancing club.
EduÃ¢ÂÂs cause was probably hindered a little by his current contract extension wrangle with Betis - a club who have told him he can sling his hook in the winter window.
Possibly to a side whose gym equipment is not 10 years old and where the players did not have to pay for the dressing room heaters themselves.
Edu: Sidelined... and significantly out of pocket
And itÃ¢ÂÂs with barmy Betis where the blog stays for the next of todayÃ¢ÂÂs pickings from the Primera.
La Liga Loca was more than a little perplexed - but not surprised - to tune in for a bit of SundayÃ¢ÂÂs Betis vs Racing clash, only to see two teams wearing green and white shirts on the pitch.
It seems that this confusing clash of colours started shortly before kick-off when, referee, Ayza GÃÂ¡mez called over Racing boss, Juan RamÃÂ³n LÃÂ³pez MuÃÂ±iz.
Ayza: Ã¢ÂÂOi! Juan! Your team are in green. YouÃ¢ÂÂre going to have to change. Betis play in green and white stripes.Ã¢ÂÂ
Juan: Ã¢ÂÂBut its our second kit! We cleared this with the Federation before the game.Ã¢ÂÂ
Ayza: Ã¢ÂÂI donÃ¢ÂÂt care. YouÃ¢ÂÂre in green. Betis are in green. The grass is green.Ã¢ÂÂ
Juan: Ã¢ÂÂHang on, IÃ¢ÂÂll get Toni the kit man. Oi! Toni! Come here! WeÃ¢ÂÂve got a problem. We canaÃ¢ÂÂt play in our second shirts as theyÃ¢ÂÂre green. Have we got our white first team kit with us?Ã¢ÂÂ
Toni: Ã¢ÂÂNo. But weÃ¢ÂÂve got our third-choice shirts.Ã¢ÂÂ
Juan: Ã¢ÂÂExcellent. What colour are they?Ã¢ÂÂ
Juan: Ã¢ÂÂOK. What about the ones weÃ¢ÂÂre using in Europe?Ã¢ÂÂ
Toni: Ã¢ÂÂThe red ones?Ã¢ÂÂ
Toni: Ã¢ÂÂTheyÃ¢ÂÂre back in Santander.Ã¢ÂÂ
Kit clash? Piffle! The stripes are different... see!
Ayza: Ã¢ÂÂHang on a minute. IÃ¢ÂÂll get the Betis kit man over. Oi! Pepe!Ã¢ÂÂ
Pepe: Ã¢ÂÂWhatÃ¢ÂÂs up?Ã¢ÂÂ
Ayza: Ã¢ÂÂWeÃ¢ÂÂve got a problem. Betis play in green. RacingÃ¢ÂÂs two kits are green. What about using BetisÃ¢ÂÂ second kit?Ã¢ÂÂ
Pepe: Ã¢ÂÂGood plan.Ã¢ÂÂ
Ayza: Ã¢ÂÂWhat colour is it?Ã¢ÂÂ
Ayza: Ã¢ÂÂ****. What about their third kit?Ã¢ÂÂ
Pepe: Ã¢ÂÂWhite... and green.Ã¢ÂÂ
Ayza: Ã¢ÂÂSo. BetisÃ¢ÂÂ first strip is green and white stripes. The second kit is green. And the third kit is green and white stripes?Ã¢ÂÂ
Pepe: Ã¢ÂÂYes. But the stripes are horizontal.Ã¢ÂÂ
And so it came to pass that the Betis shop was raided and the two teams played in green and white striped shirts, with BetisÃ¢ÂÂ tops going vertically and RacingÃ¢ÂÂs stripes going horizontally, with a sticker that only partially covered the Betis badge.
And itÃ¢ÂÂs TuesdayÃ¢ÂÂs Marca which brings us the perfect ending to this tall tale.
When the Racing players asked if they could keep the shirts as a souvenir of the day, Betis said no problem. As long as they paid for them.