When a teamâÂÂs square-jawed, super-duper, fansâ favourite forward ends up with a knee knack or a gammy groin, there are several ways for a club to deal with the unfortunate occurrence.
The most popular approach is to give the sickly striker the finest treatment money can buy, feed them the fluffiest of muffins and tuck them into bed with a story every night.
Some - like one particular club that plays in white - prefer to turn on each other in a Lord of the Flies, zombie massacre.
But Betis, for one, like to do things a little differently.
A couple of weeks ago, majority shareholder Darth de Lopera - the King of Stinge, the Mr Burns of Betis - was gazing at his video wall and discovered, with a start, that all was not well with one of his slaves.
âÂÂMinion! Who is this... Edu? And why is he limping!â demanded Darth de Lopera.
"You want money? Operation!? Smithers... release the hounds!"
âÂÂHeâÂÂs our top striker, sir. The one who saved us from relegation last season,â simpered the fawning lackey. âÂÂHeâÂÂs about to go to Finland for an operation to get his leg fixed. He should be back with us in the New Year.âÂÂ
âÂÂWhat! An operation!â screamed the tight-fisted titan, sending his yapping Huskies into a panic. âÂÂDo you know how expensive they are! This wonâÂÂt do! This wonâÂÂt do at all!âÂÂ
And so it came to pass that Edu travelled to the Finnish town of Turku to have his leg knack taken care of. And had to pay for the travel, accommodation and procedure out of his own pocket.
I wasnâÂÂt expecting anything else from de Lopera,â sighed the significantly skinter striker from the comfort of his local Lapp dancing club.
EduâÂÂs cause was probably hindered a little by his current contract extension wrangle with Betis - a club who have told him he can sling his hook in the winter window.
Possibly to a side whose gym equipment is not 10 years old and where the players did not have to pay for the dressing room heaters themselves.
Edu: Sidelined... and significantly out of pocket
And itâÂÂs with barmy Betis where the blog stays for the next of todayâÂÂs pickings from the Primera.
La Liga Loca was more than a little perplexed - but not surprised - to tune in for a bit of SundayâÂÂs Betis vs Racing clash, only to see two teams wearing green and white shirts on the pitch.
It seems that this confusing clash of colours started shortly before kick-off when, referee, Ayza Gámez called over Racing boss, Juan Ramón López Muñiz.
Ayza: âÂÂOi! Juan! Your team are in green. YouâÂÂre going to have to change. Betis play in green and white stripes.âÂÂ
Juan: âÂÂBut its our second kit! We cleared this with the Federation before the game.âÂÂ
Ayza: âÂÂI donâÂÂt care. YouâÂÂre in green. Betis are in green. The grass is green.âÂÂ
Juan: âÂÂHang on, IâÂÂll get Toni the kit man. Oi! Toni! Come here! WeâÂÂve got a problem. We canaâÂÂt play in our second shirts as theyâÂÂre green. Have we got our white first team kit with us?âÂÂ
Toni: âÂÂNo. But weâÂÂve got our third-choice shirts.âÂÂ
Juan: âÂÂExcellent. What colour are they?âÂÂ
Toni: âÂÂGreen.âÂÂ
Juan: âÂÂOK. What about the ones weâÂÂre using in Europe?âÂÂ
Toni: âÂÂThe red ones?âÂÂ
Juan: âÂÂYes!âÂÂ
Toni: âÂÂTheyâÂÂre back in Santander.âÂÂ
Kit clash? Piffle! The stripes are different... see!
Ayza: âÂÂHang on a minute. IâÂÂll get the Betis kit man over. Oi! Pepe!âÂÂ
Pepe: âÂÂWhatâÂÂs up?âÂÂ
Ayza: âÂÂWeâÂÂve got a problem. Betis play in green. RacingâÂÂs two kits are green. What about using Betisâ second kit?âÂÂ
Pepe: âÂÂGood plan.âÂÂ
Ayza: âÂÂWhat colour is it?âÂÂ
Pepe: âÂÂGreen.âÂÂ
Ayza: âÂÂ****. What about their third kit?âÂÂ
Pepe: âÂÂWhite... and green.âÂÂ
Ayza: âÂÂSo. Betisâ first strip is green and white stripes. The second kit is green. And the third kit is green and white stripes?âÂÂ
Pepe: âÂÂYes. But the stripes are horizontal.âÂÂ
And so it came to pass that the Betis shop was raided and the two teams played in green and white striped shirts, with Betisâ tops going vertically and RacingâÂÂs stripes going horizontally, with a sticker that only partially covered the Betis badge.
And itâÂÂs TuesdayâÂÂs Marca which brings us the perfect ending to this tall tale.
When the Racing players asked if they could keep the shirts as a souvenir of the day, Betis said no problem. As long as they paid for them.
----------------------------------------------
FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
La Liga Loca home
Blogs home
Latest Spain news
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home
