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New Tottenham manager will be one of those people you got in the 90s

Tottenham Hotspur have announced a change of direction on a technical and temporal level after the dismissal of Andre Villas-Boas.


The Portuguese pouty man was axed on Monday after Spurs fell 5-0 at home to Liverpool – the club’s worst home result since Alan Sugar notoriously disbanded the club at half-time against Newcastle in 1993 so he could get across town to a car boot sale.


The decision was a massive blow to Villas-Boas, who rapidly ascended the coaching ladder after being given the FC Porto job in 2010 despite never having seen a game of football. 


There is pressure on Daniel Levy to find a new man quickly, but the bookmakers’ favourites for the hot seat show a dramatic change of direction for the club. Listed among the frontrunners are Glenn Hoddle and temporary boss Tim Sherwood, both of whom Levy openly admits haven’t existed for almost two decades.


“After a tough period for the club we need to move forward,” Levy told FourFourTwo, raising his voice unnecessarily to hear himself over Babylon Zoo’s Spaceman playing on his Sony CD Walkman. “And by forward I of course mean backwards to the 1990s.”


Levy freely admits that these days you don’t get Hoddle, Sherwood or indeed, third favourite for the post Sonic the Hedgehog, but feels that could be a massive advantage.


“Everyone looks back fondly at the 1990s,” Levy insisted. “And by appointing someone like Hoddle we’d be sending a clear message to the Spurs faithful that nothing has changed since the 90s. Absolutely nothing.


“The days of the dynamic young manager are in the past, that is to say, the future. Besides, if Hoddle says no then I think we’ve still got Chris Armstrong knocking around in the attic somewhere. I think I saw him next to that box with the pogs in it.” 


Levy concluded by assuring Spurs fans that a new era of dated tactics and obsolete signings was beckoning, asserting that he was also lining up a bid for Tony Yeboah.