JayFCs ohmigod review of the week

HE'S A pustulating sore on the already ugly face of football - and for the moment, he's on our side. Kind of. Here is JayFC's toxic take on the weekend's events.

Blind? Deaf? Sorry, you’re overqualified to be a ref
It seems it is becoming an unwanted weekly feature, but yet again, the incompetence of the A-League referees is taking centre stage with some bollock-boggling decisions. You’d think being a match official, you’d at least have a loose understanding as to the basic fundamental laws of the game. So how does this happen? How the hell does someone get flagged offside from a throw-in? In the eighth minute between Roar and Heart, that happened and my hands are still trembling in fear knowing the FFA employs referees that incompetent. I want to list every profanity in every language in response to this. I’ve only seen this happen twice in my life and why on both occasions did it happen in the A-League? Seriously, what are the linesmen basing their decisions on? Are they shaking a magic 8ball and basing their calls off that? That can’t be right as the accuracy rate would be much higher. With every game, these refs are simply proving that they don’t have the mental capacity required to operate heavy machinery.

No breaks for Frankie
It would be inconceivable to suggest that there was only one tremendous screw-up from the officials this weekend. Sydney and Perth were the other noted victims, with an offside Nagai managing to win a penalty after being clattered into by Janjetovic, who somehow wasn’t sent off despite being the last man. Frank Farina’s already got the handicap of having half his squad injured and the bigger handicap of Brett Emerton not being injured. He doesn’t need any more freebie goals handed out. I mean, Sydney have Tiago in their backline; they’re giving out plenty of freebie goals on their own. Now Frank has been given the ‘vote of confidence’ by the board, so you can confidently say that Farina’s reign of mediocrity is coming to a close. If he cant secure the three points against Melbourne Victory on Saturday, he’ll be back 'writing' opinion pieces for The Daily Telegraph that nobody will read.

Heart still can't travel. What’s new?
Heart’s travelling woes continued on Sunday after getting pumped 3-0 against Brisbane, despite not sucking as much as they usually do. Heart haven’t won an interstate game since they thrashed a depleted Sydney FC 4-0 all the way back in December 2011. Jesus, the last time Heart won an interstate game, Brian McFadden was still relevant. Man, that was so long ago, the kids weren’t doing The Harlem Shake, they were doing The Charleston. How come every time Heart step outside their state, their talents evaporate? Heart, please, try a different airline carrier. Switch to soy. Change the locker room feng shui. Do something different because seeing ‘Heart (A)’ on the fixtures list is as intimidating as seeing ‘Bye (N)’ on the fixture list. Heart’s next away game is against the Jets in three rounds time, and if they can’t get an away win there, they can just forget about getting an away win ever.

Pasfield with the dummy
A national moment of silence is being observed, with flags around the country descending to half-mast, to mourn the loss of Justin Pasfield's dignity, which was tragically taken from him in the M3 derby. Yes, Justin’s blushes from Saturday’s clash was the biggest talking point, with a harmless Trent Sainsbury backpass rolling past Pasfield, with the hapless keeper unable to recover the ball in time before it crossed the goal-line. This is the most tragic thing to be seen at Hunter Stadium since Mario Jardel’s beer gut. Mariners' management has offered trauma counselling to its fans after witnessing the graphic image, which will be permanently scarred into their brain. This felt like watching a classic Three Stooges scene but there was only one stooge here. Okay, perhaps it's a bit of an oversell claiming this to be the most dreadful goalkeeping mishap of the A-League. That would be belittling to the contributions that Liam Reddy and Matt Ryan have offered the blooper reel over the years. Nonetheless, Justin has guaranteed he’ll be getting the star treatment by Squadron fans for years to come.

The bald reign begins
There were many questions being asked about what will come of Kevin Muscat’s reign at Melbourne Victory. Will he be a tracksuit or a suit and tie manager? Could he meet the lofty expectations that were desired when Ange was in charge? Would Muscat’s thuggish demeanor devolve the Melbourne squad into a bunch of shin-snapping neanderthals, more intent on threatening cruciate ligaments than threatening the scoreboard? Well, some of those questions were answered tonight as Melbourne handled Wellington with relative ease, recording a 3-2 victory. In the first half, Melbourne made the New Zealanders look like, well, New Zealanders, with the home side never really shifting into second gear, yet ripping them apart. The second half, Victory were simply going through the motions, with a late Phoenix goal flattering the away side a bit more than their performance suggested. For the All White Phoenix players, the match no doubt proved valuable experience, with the late heart palpitations ultimately leading to nothing, a sensation they’ll be getting reacquainted to when they lose their do-or-die World Cup qualifiers with Mexico next week. As for Melbourne, Kevin has long been touted as the succession plan to Ange, so now the question is asked, who will be the succession plan to the succession plan? Is Coach Broxham in the works? Only time will tell.