What if football personalities did The Apprentice? FourFourTwo imagines…
The archetypal underestimated candidate. At the start, everyone assumes he’s a bit dim but he turns out to be a shrewd, lethal operator.
Graeme Le Saux
Would be the posh, well-educated candidate who Lord Sugar particularly relishes nailing to the wall in the boardroom.
The Gunners boss would absolutely romp home in the shopping round, when candidates have to buy everything on a list as cheaply as possible. He would ultimately finish fourth, treating the outcome as a significant triumph.
The self-assured striker would be in his element in the opening episode, when the candidates introduce themselves with un-self-aware, arrogant brags. “I can’t help but laugh at how perfect I am,” he’d say to the camera. Then, leaving the boardroom following his eventual firing, he would sniff: “I came like a hero, left like a legend.”
Would fall out bitterly with Lord Sugar, sparking years of litigation.
The pint-sized midfielder would miss most of the tasks after being rushed to hospital with a sprained ankle. Would eventually stumble into the boardroom, slurring about the opposing team: “What d’ya fink of Synergy?”
Task one: winner. Task two: winner. Task three: fired.
The motor-mouth would court controversy and generally fall out with everyone, like a slightly more masculine Katie Hopkins.