EuroKlopp: The 10 weirdest and most wonderful odes to football icons

It's Eurovision 2017 weekend. So how better to celebrate than with Jurgen's dancehall anthem, sweet Louis van Gaal, reggae Zlatan and the Mario Gomez song? Johnny Dee's got 'em all

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In mainland Europe, you haven’t made it as a footballing superstar unless you have a Europop song written about you by a 'gifted' fan. Here’s our favourite tributes of questionable quality...

Jurgen Klopp

The gleaming white teeth, the hair transplant, the glasses and the rock 'n' roll attitude – Klopp is surely the hippest man in football. 

In the faraway days before Pep Guardiola became the Don, Matze Knop summed up the thoughts of a nation when he sung of his wish to be as cool as the then-Borussia Dortmund boss who, if our interpretation of the song is correct, is not just a touchline god but also the best person in the world at combining smart jackets with faded jeans.

Zinedine Zidane

There are many incredible things about this song – the glorious over-the-top chorus, the soft-rock section with the soaring Jon Bon Jovi-esque cry that ZZ burns “through the dark like a fire”, and an accompanying video which riffs on the Dead President mask-wearing bank raids in Point Break – vaya con Dios, Brah, as they say in Marseille.

But perhaps the most mind blowing thing of all is that the list of the game's greatest superstars incanted throughout includes – alongside legends such as Eusebio, Johan Cruyff, Diego Maradona and Pele – Chelsea’s trusty centre-back Gary Cahill. Yes, really.

Francesco Totti

Whatever your personal feelings about Roma’s long-serving captitano, it is hard not be moved by this upbeat anthem which recalls the Europop majesty of The Cheeky Girls. As the second-highest Serie A goalscorer of all time, Totti is an unstoppable footballing He-Man. Indeed, this video neither confirms nor denies our suspicion that Totti is in fact yet another alter-ego of Prince Adam, who has used the power of Greyskull to continue until now.

Jerome Boateng

Perhaps it's the lethargic delivery, maybe it’s their rudimentary use of percussion, or possibly it's a chorus that just repeats his name as if that was melodic enough. Either way something tells us these particular Bavarians are not as enamoured with their tough-tackling defensive rock as they should be. Sure, they sing about him giving his all for the team, but where is the verse about his 2010 knee injury following a mid-air collision with an airplane drinks trolley?

Louis van Gaal

LVG may have had difficult relationships with the fans of many of his former clubs, but in his native Netherlands he is regarded as nothing less than a genius on a par with Van Gough, DJ Tiesto and the inventor of the doughnut. Here, a quartet of Orangemen vent their unswerving passion for the taciturn Amsterdammer with this cunning reworking of Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline. Warning: it takes a while for the chorus to kick in and once it does you may regret waiting.