Soccer Slammers: The figurines that turn football stars into wrestlers

Soccer Slammers
(Image credit: Soccer Slammers)

After taking down opposition players, journalists and a pack of Romanian wolves during his long career in football, even WWE giants would cower at the sight of Nigel Pearson surging towards them. 

Little wonder, then, that ‘Big Nige’ was one of the first men to be featured in Soccer Slammers, a frankly inspired series of creations on social media, depicting football stars as wrestling action figures. 

Bristol City’s topless former manager has been joined by a host of other dugout icons, among them Neil Warnock, David Moyes, Roy Hodgson and Tony Pulis, while there’s also a Jamie Vardy model in ‘Chat S**t, Get Banged’ shorts. 

Soccer Slammers

Jamie Vardy and his can of Red Bull (Image credit: Soccer Slammers)

Most of the figurines even come with an accessory – Pearson’s is a stuffed ostrich, of course, while Steve Bruce is accompanied by a cabbage, Harry Redknapp a car door, Marcelo Bielsa a bucket, Sam Allardyce a pint of wine and Matt Le Tissier a tin foil hat, useful to ward off COVID-inducing 5G signals. 

There are two versions of the Jordan Pickford figure – after requests by fans, the original was remade with smaller arms…

The statuettes are described as ‘not for children under 30 years’ and are only conceptual images, with no initial plans to make them available to buy. 

“They’re based on a nostalgia-inducing, fake-ashell, non-existent video game and aren’t available on the market right now, but who knows what the future holds?” Tom Rogers, the clever man behind the Soccer Slammers social media account, teases to FFT.

The latest figurines added to the Soccer Slammers social media has focused on Sir Alex Ferguson with his trusty hairdryer, Duncan Ferguson capable of "brutal headbutt action", and Sean Dyche alongside a can of worms.

Donations and suggestions for further designs are still being welcomed at ko-fi.com/soccerslammers.

Marcus Rashford has reportedly already agreed a deal to sign for Barcelona, with Manchester United now having to consider his exit. 

Arsenal have a new transfer priority for January, following their dramatic late win against Luton Town. 

Meanwhile, FFT Editor James Andrew says that the record £6.7bn domestic TV deal for Premier League football is great news for armchair fans, but more needs to be done to help match-going fans. 

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