Most of us will never get the chance to experience a Premier League matchday from the perspective of a player or manager.
It will forever remain in our dreams. However, Everton’s Beyond – Tunnel club gets one just about as close as it is possible.
From the moment you enter the Hill Dickinson Stadium – the division’s most recent addition, a red-brick church by the river – you are treated like royalty.
A Proper Merseyside Welcome
At the door on the west side of the ground, a friendly host greets you and points you into the heart of the building. At each twist and turn, another host is there, smiling and pointing you in the right direction.
The people of Liverpool are always the friendliest football folk, whether it be fellow supporters en route to the match or stewards in the concourses, but this is another level.
They seem genuinely delighted you have arrived. Finally, you reach the lounge – which opens 3 hours before the referee’s first whistle - and are greeted by yet more welcomes.
They may as well throw their arms around you!
From that moment on, nothing is too big an ask. Want anything from a well-stocked complimentary bar? No problem.
Can we have our puddings during the break? No problem, in fact, that is a good idea – we don’t want to rush you.
Are there any hot drinks we can take outside? Of course, what can we get you?
Within minutes of sitting, almost before conversation has properly got going in a room that has just the right amount of noise, food begins arriving.
The starters and mains have a meat, fish and veggie option available.
The Pork Scrumpet falls apart in the way that good pulled pork should, and then a Yorkshire pudding the size of a plate appears. The beef is pink, the potatoes crispy.
Parsnips and carrots have just the right amount of crunch, while gravy is generous. It is a delight to eat.
It is suddenly 2.15pm, and at that poin,t we remember the main perk. Straddling two sides of the room are gargantuan panes of one-way glass.
First, Jordan Pickford appears for his warm-up, soon followed by the rest of the players, both home and away.
It is a peek into the inner machinations of something that, despite all the media access, we tend to feel so far removed from.
Seeing Jack Grealish on TV is one thing, standing, but for the aforementioned glass, right next to him as he waits to enter the pitch, calves bulging, ponytail adjusted, is quite another.
The players all know we are there, but cannot see us. Some preen their hair in what are presumably mirrors on the other side.
We are sure one or two wink in our direction.
Access to pitchside is easy, and the seats are roomy and padded. What is this? A drinks holder. Holy smokes.
The block is just behind the home bench, with some so close that you feel like you are part of the matchday team.
Substitutes are almost in touching distance, while David Moyes’ remonstrations with the officials are sometimes audible.
Keith Andrews’ expletive-laden verbal volley when he feels his medical team are not patching up Aaron Hickey’s leg swiftly enough is definitely audible.
Igor Thiago and James Tarwoski engage in their own 90-minute battle, and every blow and knock, of which there are many, can be felt.
On nipping back inside post-match, cauliflower cheese croquettes are waiting alongside the drinks ordered 45 minutes earlier.
For the next quarter of an hour, the circus is in full flow, players and coaches being shepherded from one booth to another.
Anxious looking media staff check their watches and tap their feet impatiently – they need to ensure that the requirements of the host broadcaster, the BBC, the Premier League and whoever else happens to be there on the day are met within the specified timeframes.
Hat-trick hero Igor Thiago – who seems unlikely to let the match-ball out of his sight until he walks through his own front door – laughs and jokes with Nathan Collins as Sky Sport’s Pien Meulensteen asks the questions.
Andrews looks pleased; Moyes less so.
Slowly, patrons head towards the exit, albeit there is no rush. The lounge is open for an hour after the final whistle.
The staff on departure were as friendly as upon arrival, and then it’s back out to admire first the River Mersey and then the ground on exit.
Premium Tickets for Everton's Hill Dickinson Stadium are available at Seat Unique starting at just £60
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