14. Herbert Zimmermann: "Tor! Tor! Tor! Tor!"
Football commentary in 1954 wasn't quite so emotional – but it's tough not to get excited when you've just witnessed something special.
The 1954 World Cup Final is now better known as the Miracle of Bern, after Germany came from being two goals down with eight minutes played to beating Hungary's Mighty Magyars in stunning fashion.
Herbert Zimmermann’s radio commentary of Helmut Rahn’s 84th-minute winner is considered important enough to have changed the atmosphere in West Germany. "Call me crazy, call me mad! I believe also football laymen should have a heart."
Just try arguing with that.
13. Andy Gray: "Ohhhhhh, ya beautehhhh"
Many goals came from the ferocious right boot of Kop legend Steven Gerrard – and this thunderbolt in the 2004/05 Champions League group stage against Olympiakos is among the best.
Naturally, it was met with equally boisterous commentary from ertswhile Sky Sports mic-handler Andy Gray, who interrupted Martin Tyler's blow-by-blow account to declare to the nation what they already knew: what a hit son.
Gerrard’s strike secured qualification to the knockout stages of a tournament Liverpool would later go on to win in even more dramatic fashion.
12. Johnny Phillips loses his marbles (and voice)
It doesn't get much more dramatic than this. Phillips was reporting for Sky on a tense Championship play-off semi-final second leg between Watford and Leicester, and tried to maintain composure as the two teams traded late blows.
Leicester had a penalty saved that would have taken them to the final, before Watford charged down the other end of the pitch and scored through Troy Deeney. Poor Phillips had the unenviable task of explaining it all in real time.
11. Gary Neville: *peculiar squeal*
G-Nev is back on our tellies after briefly trying his hand at management with Valencia in 2015/16. The ex-Manchester United right-back remains at the vanguard of analysis and punditry in the UK – but he won't ever be able to escape this bizarre outpouring as Chelsea secured safe passage to the 2012 Champions League Final at Barcelona’s expense.
The squeaky Mancunian couldn't contain himself as the Blues built up to strike their late killer blow at the Camp Nou, climaxing uncomfortably when Fernando Torres tapped home after rounding Barcelona goalkeeper Victor Valdes in the dying seconds.
This was Neville's first season working for Sky Sports – and suffice to say, he's progressed well since this infamous goalgasm.
10. Gary Neville: *peculiar squeal*, part two
OK, he progressed well eventually. Neville’s impassioned cries returned in the 2012 Champions League Final, when Didier Drogba headed home an emphatic equaliser in the final moments to take the game to extra time. Not quite Torres-level stuff, but still strong on the squeak-o-scale.
9. Martin Tyler: "Ohhhhhh YES!"
Sky's Tyler felt the red wrath of Liverpool fans in September 2015 when commentating on Manchester United new boy Anthony Martial marking his debut in style. The world’s most expensive teenager scored the final goal in his side's 3-1 win at Old Trafford, a moment Tyler rather enjoyed. Too much so, said Reds.
"Welcome to Manchester United!"
8. Stan Collymore: "Oh my GOD..."
Collymore has never been one for keeping schtum – so how could he resist the opportunity to shout loudest after Zlatan Ibrahimovic put England to the sword with this outrageous bicycle kick? For once, however, Stan could be forgiven after the Swede's moment of magic, described as "the most insane goal I have ever seen" by the shouty Brummie.
It's certainly one way to break the monotony of talking about "worthwhile exercise" and qualifiers. "I wanna go and give you a man hug," squeals Collymore. Steady.
7. Martin Tyler: "AguerooOOOOOOOO!"
Perhaps the most memorable moment of commentary in English football history – no context required.
"I swear you'll never see anything like this ever again..."
6. Danny Kelly: “I am so unprofessional”
Kelly wasn't even trying to hide his allegiances on talkSPORT when his beloved Tottenham managed a last-minute equaliser at bitter rivals Arsenal in 2008.
Kelly's outbursts made Stan Collymore's cries look tame – generally, no mean feat. Honesty didn't escape the Spurs-loving presenter, however, who was at least of sound enough mind to declare himself "so unprofessional". Maybe even Arsenal fans can look back with a chuckle now. Maybe.
5. Victor Hugo Morales: "I want to cry!"
Widely accepted as the goal of the century, after Maradona twisted and turned his way through a crumbling English defence to score his sensational solo goal at World Cup 1986.
Uruguayan commentator Victor Hugo Morales did it justice, rhythmically rolling his consonants (seriously: "Burruchaga" is a thing of beauty) as Maradona left helpless Three Lions defenders in his wake before applying the killer touch beyond Peter Shilton.
After steadying himself with two bursts of "Gooooool!", Morales declared: "I want to cry! Holy God, long live football..."
He wasn't alone in wanting to cry – just ask Bobby Robson et al.
4. Nuno Matos: "Samba... Saaaaamba, Ronaaaaaaaaldooo!"
Cristiano Ronaldo was at his superhuman best in smashing home a hat-trick against Sweden to fire his country to the 2014 World Cup – and esteemed announcer Matos was on hand to treat it with the excitement it deserved.
This was only the first goal of CR7's treble against Zlatan & Co., but that didn't stop Matos from enjoying the moment. Like, a lot.
3. Woodwork makes the words come out
No goal here, but no less excitement from this game between Saudi Arabia and Iraq.
Our commentator here is already rather excitable when a free-kick cracks off the crossbar, soon followed by a save from the Iraqi goalkeeper moments later. And, just at the point where you're wondering if our brave broadcaster can go on without fainting, a Saudi Arabia player sees a follow-up shot strike both posts before bouncing clear.
We're pretty sure he's speaking in tongues by the time we get to 0:31.
2. Syria keep their dream alive
Syria's hopes of qualifying for the 2018 World Cup were eventually dashed in their play-off against Australia, but they overcame all expectations to get there in the first place.
The war-torn nation were missing out altogether going into the dying moments of their final group game against giants Iran, but snatched the equaliser that took them through courtesy of Omar Al Somah.
An emotional commentator did his best to describe the action, but was in tears by the time the replay made its way onto television screens. Well done, football.
1. Jack van Gelder: "Dennis Bergkamp! Dennis Bergkamp!"
The daddy of all commentary. World Cups are ripe for moments of extreme tension, and therefore excitement: so when Dennis Bergkamp sent Holland through to the France '98 semi-finals with a sublime last-minute winner against Argentina, the pressure valve was released.
Like everyone else, commentator Jack van Gelder could scarcely believe the Arsenal man's first touch, but it got even better when he lashed a shot past Carlos Roa and sent a nation into meltdown. Few went quite as loopy as Van Gelder, who exclaimed Bergkamp's name five times in succession before breaking down with joy. Brilliant.
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