Revealed! If every Premier League club was a Simpsons character
Frankly, we didn’t realise they were still cranking out this past-its-prime 1990s TV staple... but enough about the Premier League. We’re here to talk about The Simpsons.
Superficially, the long-running show has little to do with the beautiful game, aside from this terrifyingly accurate “soccer” deconstruction.
Yet the Premier League and The Simpsons genuinely are linked. These '90s phenomenons became must-see hits which saved the ailing Sky TV platform. So we’ve got that to, erm, thank them for.
However, we’ve only just realised how they’re both also based on the exact same formula for success. How else can the below be explained?
Arsenal: Seymour Skinner
A principal (no pun intended) character in the series, who’s always willing to give the kids a chance and can display outstanding moments of athletic brilliance. Yet they also cut an uptight, frustrated figure: having to fend off a school of mouthy critics, while unable to break free from a grey pompadoured matriarch who loves them, but has been bossing them around for far too long.
Bournemouth: Martin Prince
Behold! These fresh-faced, plucky newcomers get top marks for keeping their nose clean and playing by the rules. Sure, they’re constantly in danger of getting their trunks yoinked down by some of the older or physically stronger operators around, but these teacher’s pets are still smarter than many of their classmates.
Brighton: Ned Flanders
For so long peeping over the fence into the neighbour’s yard, Brighton have finally arrived at the Prem garden party. Left-leaning with a sunny disposition, most find them easy to get along with – although their squeaky clean reputation can rub some people up the wrong way. Look surprisingly great with their shirts off (probably).
Burnley: Groundskeeper Willie
Ach! Ginger-powered elbow-greasers have grown in importance, but can still be heard chuntering about the lack of respect their hard work earns. Proud of their record on their beloved home Turf – they would definitely be our choice to wrestle a wolf into submission if one Premier League club were required to do so.
Chelsea: Mr Burns
Eye-wateringly rich, feared, diabolical, successful – outsiders view them as the bad guys of the show. Yet if they are villains, they’re massively enjoyable in the role. Prone to ruthlessly yelling “You’re fired!” at some high-level employee (then occasionally re-hiring them on a whim). Overall rating: excellent.