Before FourFourTwo's lawyers adopt the brace position, we should point out that this is according to the Chinese calendar, not us. So there...
Yes, today is Chinese New Year - and this is now Year of the Goat. To celebrate, FFT decided to discover the animal 'signs' of some of football's biggest names.
Confusingly, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain isn't an Ox (he's a rooster), Razvan Rat isn't a rat (another rooster), Shaun Goater isn't a goat (he's a dog), and Radamel Falcao isn't a donkey (because there is no donkey sign).
We jest, of course. The Colombian - also known as El Tigre - has got in right. The Manchester United striker, born in February 1986, is apparently a tiger. So it's not all bad.
Here are some more findings from FFT's extensive research...
Goat
"Have a calm nature and an intellectual approach; they seek aesthetic beauty and are artistic, well-mannered and compassionate, yet detached and resigned to their condition."
Andrea Pirlo - 19/05/79 Jack Wilshere - 01/01/92
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Horses
"Productive, enthusiastic, independent, engaging, dynamic, honourable, loyal and protective, but can also be rash, rebellious, quarrelsome, anxious, disagreeable or stubborn."
Rio Ferdinand - 07/11/78 Eden Hazard - 07/01/91
Snakes
"Possess endurance and application, with slow accumulation of energy, meticulous at planning but tending to hold fixed opinions."
Gareth Bale - 16/07/89 Thomas Muller - 13/09/89
Dragons
"Intense and powerful individuals capable of great good, who make great leaders but are rather unpredictable."
Diego Costa - 07/10/88 Alexis Sanchez - 19/12/88
Rabbits
"Have a calm nature and an intellectual approach; they seek aesthetic beauty and are artistic, well-mannered and compassionate, yet detached and resigned to their condition."
Arturo Vidal - 22/05/87 Lionel Messi - 24/06/87
Tigers
"Productive, enthusiastic, independent, engaging, dynamic, honourable, loyal and protective, but can also be rash, rebellious, quarrelsome, anxious, disagreeable or stubborn."
Radamel Falcao - 10/02/86 Luis Suarez - 24/01/87
Oxen
"Possess endurance and application, with slow accumulation of energy, meticulous at planning but tending to hold fixed opinions."
Wayne Rooney - 24/10/85 James Milner - 04/01/86
Rats
"Intense and powerful individuals capable of great good, who make great leaders but are rather unpredictable."
Cristiano Ronaldo - 05/05/85 Carlos Tevez - 05/02/85
Pigs
"Have a calm nature and an intellectual approach; they seek aesthetic beauty and are artistic, well-mannered and compassionate, yet detached and resigned to their condition."
Robin van Persie - 06/08/83 Adnan Januzaj - 05/02/95
Dogs
"Productive, enthusiastic, independent, engaging, dynamic, honourable, loyal and protective, but can also be rash, rebellious, quarrelsome, anxious, disagreeable or stubborn."
Joey Barton - 02/09/82 Raheem Sterling - 08/12/94
Roosters
"Possess endurance and application, with slow accumulation of energy, meticulous at planning but tending to hold fixed opinions."
Zlatan Ibrahimovic - 03/10/81 Harry Kane - 28/07/93
Monkeys
"Intense and powerful individuals capable of great good, who make great leaders but are rather unpredictable."
John Terry - 07/12/80 Thibaut Courtois - 11/03/92
But if you thought the fun ended there, you were dead wrong.
With the handy guide below, you - YES YOU - can find out your favourite footballer's animal.
