Lists

10 of football's craziest commercials (ft. Messi, meerkats and Paulo Futre's manhood)

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5. China destroys Europe

Any US Republican hawks looking for proof the Chinese are destruction-crazed Commie zealots bent on destroying civilisation should whack this advert on a PowerPoint presentation immediately.

Promoting Now TV’s Euro 2012 coverage, this disturbing animation features football as war, with bombs, Big Ben on fire, a bent Eiffel Tower, dribbling superheroes, defensive walls, gas masks and players turning into massive, mythical animals. We should probably nuke them now to be on the safe side, right, Dick Cheney?

Randomness rating: 10 horsemen of the apocalypse.

6. Duck, dive, dodge... dandruff

You know an advert isn't going to be great when Cristiano Ronaldo appears on screen with the caption "world-famous footballer".

What you don't expect is for it to get worse, which this one does as CR7 ducks and dives his way past balls of dandruff on a pinball table. We suspect the Real Madrid superstar rather enjoyed it, mind – just check out that closing pout.   

Randomness rating: A couple of Matrix jackets.

7. Zidane's bottle-bottoms

Footballers have now comedy-juggled their way around virtually every conceivable commercial outlet in the name of making hulking wads of money, and things reached their illogical conclusion in this French Grand Optical ad, which sees Zinedine Zidane walloping a stunned teen’s basketball around an optician's as he road-tests his new specs.
 
However, we don’t get to see him collect his snappy little case, microfibre cleaning cloth and set of mini-adjustment screwdrivers, which is a shame.
 
Randomness rating: 4 eyes.