Qatar National Bank have come up with a genuinely good Team Xavi ad – but that's an exception to the general rule of cringe. Nick Moore digs out some more small screen shockers from abroad
1. Back of the Futre
Sorry to start here, and we'd understand if you didn't want to read on, but.. well, just watch the thing. If former West Ham winger Paulo Futre juggling a ball with his manhood isn't already scary enough, it's accompanied by genuinely terrifying music and a stare from the protagonist that almost definitely warrants him a place on a register.
Randomness rating: 10 ladies dancing.
2. Ronaldo's breast milk
Brazil legend and one-time FourFourTwo guest editor Ronaldo is an all-round good egg, and as a younger man The Phenomenon did a free ad promoting breastfeeding. “He drank a lot of milk today,” gushes Ronnie lovingly, before placing the infant in his cot. As he closes the door, his offspring begins juggling a football. It won’t happen again, mind: after fathering his fourth child Ronaldo had a vasectomy to – in his own words – “close the factory”.
Randomness rating: 8 rusks.
3. Adebayor conga
What’s not to like about a conga line of computerised Emmanuel Adebayors grooving round a pitch in the style of phone game Snake, controlled by massive overlord Emmanuel Adebayor using his boot as a computer controller? Nothing, that’s what, and Adidas’s lo-fi, geeky-but-cool Tune Your Game ad was a hit in Holland.
Randomness rating: 126 Adebayors.
4. Messi Pepsi
Lionel Messi is no Jim Carrey. Minus points to the Pepsi exec, then, who thought putting The Flea in a vaguely tribal African shirt and getting him to riff comedically with a troupe of meerkats would be a winner.
To his chagrin, Leo is beaten in a kicking competition by one of the desert mongeese, who bounces a ball off a tree and a goat to topple cans of the refreshing carbonated liquid. Nonsense.
Randomness rating: 3 John Waynes.