Ranked! Every Premier League manager by how long they'd survive in Game of Thrones
20. Jan Siewert (Huddersfield)
Dead on arrival. Poor Jan: the first time Sky Sports even tried to show him at a game they broadcast a lookalike fan, giving him a real ‘random extra who gets offed early doors by The Hound’ vibe.
Siewert’s Terriers have been so poor, we can’t actually blame the German for his hangdog expression. Not even Ramsay Bolton had this much misfortune with his mutts.
19. Scott Parker (Fulham)
No, we’re not putting Parker here just because Fulham are relegated. Yes, his GoT survival chances are hopeless. Why? Take a good look at Scott Parker.
Square-jawed, handsome, likeable with an air of doomed heroism. How well do characters like that generally fare in the world of Game of Thrones? Exactly. If you get any invites to weddings on Westeros, Scott, we recommend staying well away.
18. Brendan Rodgers (Leicester)
Formerly a triumphant King in the North, there’s high hopes for Brendan’s future. But he’s keen to play them down, naturally.
Do you have an eye on the iron throne, Brendan? No, no, he replies modestly. He’s all about “the group” and “opportunities”. But why is there that 7ft self-portrait of your face now hanging in the throne room? Aha, Brendan laughs softly and flashes you his pearly whites. Ahaha. Who can possibly resist?
Note: Brendan carks it after 500 hairy-arsed invaders from north of the wall track him down.
17. Rafa Benitez (Newcastle)
On one hand, Rafa is a smart tactical schemer, beloved of his local toon. There he is in an ornate robe, smiling enigmatically as he’s carried around in a palanquin powered by four topless Geordies.
Unfortunately Rafa has been picked to be ‘hand’ to a real King Robert whopper: a ruddy-faced, power-drinking, fireplace-chundering monarch. Unless his overlord is gored by a boar (hey, there’s always a chance), Rafa’s days are numbered. Fact.
16. Marco Silva (Everton)
Suave Lord Littlesilva isn’t the most loyal, but is rising to the top anyway either because he’s a fine coach or because he’s got dirt on everyone thanks to his chain of ill-reputed pleasure houses. No, let’s stick to the coaching.
Anyway, this aptly silver-tongued schemer has surely made one too many enemies to make it to the end. Lanced by Ser Hornet of The Gap, with rosy-cheeked innkeeper Bigsam turning up to chuckle at his wake.
15. Eddie Howe (Bournemouth)
Kind, innocent, blue-eyed urchin Eddie is too pure to last long in Game of Thrones. The most tear-inducing death of any manager, as he gets a big arrow in the back or crushed undertaking some noble cause like trying to protect Callum Wilson from frenzied suitors. Brave Howder, we hardly knew ye.