Call the fashion police

There’s been a crime. Well, a fair few in fact. Yes, it's time for the fashionistas at FFT towers to call out kit designers worldwide for some of the atrocities inflicted upon the football community this season.

From garish colour clashes to stomach-churning design quirks, some of the following efforts will leave you wondering: how hard can it be?

17. Wolves, away

If it was up to us, Wolves would always have a black away top, preferably with splashes of gold integrated into the design.

This white effort is bland and dull, worsened by the jarring shades of grey used in the sponsor’s logo. Not for us.

16. Brighton, away

There’s a reason green isn't often seen in football kits. Brighton have regrettably elected to replace last season’s yellow jersey with this pitch-friendly camouflage top.

On the plus side, it should at least allow Lewis Dunk to hide more easily when he’s conceded another own goal. (Sorry, Lewis.)

15. PSG, home

We can see what PSG were trying to do here, but it doesn’t really cut the (Dijon) mustard – especially when you get a close-up.

The zig-zag pattern in the centre of the shirt may or may not be a print of the sound wave produced by Neymar’s yelp after a slight tap on the ankle.

14. Roma, away

When will they learn? Grey simply shouldn’t be used for away kits. The Giallorossi should’ve got Fergie on the blower.

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As punishment, we expect to see Roma switch shirts at half-time of every game from here on in this season.

13. Arsenal, home

Arsenal’s home effort is the Marmite of this season's kits, dividing opinion inside and outside the club’s fan base. It has, essentially, become the new Wenger In/Out.

For our money, the faded red sleeves look naff and the subtle shade change around the chest is superfluous, blud.

11. Bournemouth, third

The brochure describes this as ‘mint green’. We prefer to simply say ‘bad kit’.

10. Lille, home

Lille’s home strip for 2018/19 provides a good example of a manufacturer adding a totally unnecessary flourish to try to make the kit stand out.

The blend of red and navy here actually looks quite neat, but it’s completely undermined by the natty pattern plastered all over the front.

9. Napoli, home

Oh, Napoli. Previously possessing of one of Italy’s most pleasingly minimalist shirts, the Partenopei have gone too far this time. There’s simply way too much going on here: two sponsors, multiple Kappa logos and a graphic print of a panther’s head. One question needs answered: why?

8. Getafe, home, away and third

This is just lazy. Rather than draw up individual designs for each of their kits, Getafe decided to use an identical template for all three and just swap the colours, hoping no one will notice. They’re not fooling us.

7. Manchester United, home

Who said modern-day super-clubs are too willing to disregard their local roots? United’s home top for the new season gives a nod to their original name of Newton Heath Railway Cricket FC by using a graphic of a train track on the front. A #classytouch, we expect you’ll agree. The only problem is that it looks awful.

6. Milan, away

We know that Milan spent much of their summer focusing on overturning a ban from European football, but surely they could have produced a better away shirt than this. The single black horizontal stripe is bizarre, and spelling Hakan Calhanoglu’s name wrong at the official launch wasn’t great either.

5. Watford, home

This isn’t necessarily a bad kit, it’s just not very Watford. It looks more like it could be a West Brom away top. It’ll take a while for us to get used to this one.

4. Fiorentina, aways

The formula is simple: release a home strip in your traditional colours, choose a suitably different alternative kit, and maybe produce a third option for those infrequent occasions where the other two aren’t enough.

Yet the cocky Viola have torn up the rulebook for the second consecutive year, unveiling no fewer than four (!) away kits – one white, one red, one green, one blue – to represent the four historic districts of Florence. At least the purple home shirt remains sacred.

3. Villarreal, third

The top portion of this shirt is quite slick, with the red dashes on the sleeves and white of the sponsor and manufacturers’ logos complementing the black background.

But things fall apart at the bottom, with a perfectly respectable kit soon descending into a mess of dots and lines. Stare into the centre of the diamonds for long enough and you may well be hypnotised.

2. Bordeaux, away

Many kits fail because of poor design, while others fail to impress due to a questionable use of colour. Unfortunately for Bordeaux, they’ve managed to botch both tests with their alternative strip for the new campaign.

The thin, wobbly-looking vertical lines look like they’ve been drawn on by a toddler with a felt tip pen, and the downward-pointing arrow and sponsor’s scrawl don’t do the shirt any favours either. It manages to be made even worse by the decision to choose an extremely pale purple hue on a white background; a combination which is unlikely to catch on.

12. Manchester City, third

Reckless is just one step away from bold, and Manchester City’s decision to combine purple and orange is a step too far. The graphic print only adds to the messiness, which is a shame given that City released a beautiful claret away kit this time last year.

1. Tottenham, home and third

If you think the worst thing about Spurs’ summer was the lack of signings, think again. The gradient, fade design at the bottom of the home top is fine until you see the shirt without the shorts.

The (leaked, unconfirmed) third kit is a puzzling concoction of murky green and turquoise. The away shirt isn’t the best either, but it looks like Peru ’78 when lined up alongside its stablemates.